


Eclipse of Hearts

by Angmar



Series: Courage [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2019-10-29 12:54:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 39
Words: 24,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17808335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angmar/pseuds/Angmar
Summary: *This story is a sequel to "Courage"*Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I'm only falling apart.Once upon a time there was light in my life, but now there's only love in the dark.Nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the heart.





	1. Chapter 1

Part I

 

 _Time seems to have frozen,_  
but the mind can be fooled.  
As the days pass I discover,  
Destiny just can't be ruled.  
Hard times,  
oh, hard times,  
for the prize, yes the prize,  
I thought I knew.

 _Oh it's the price we gotta pay_  
and all the games we gotta play,  
makes me wonder if it's worth it to carry on.  
'Cause it's a game we gotta lose,  
though it's a life we gotta chose  
and the price is our own life until it's done.

(Twisted Sister - The Price)


	2. Other Pieces of Life - Alyssae

"It's time you let it go."

Alyssae looked up, to Raphael's worried face. 

"Everyone worries about you, Alys. Four months have passed since you're back and you have shared your feelings with no one."

"That's not true." She watched the circles her feet caused in the water and sighed. "I don't want to drag up everything."

"We want to be there for you, but that's impossible as long as you keep everything to yourself. We have no idea what's going on in that head of yours."

"It's better that way," she persisted.

Raphael looked shortly at her, then he stood up and walked away dejected. 

Alyssae stayed behind and stared into the water. She had expected that everything would be better when she returned to her family, but they had drifted apart. In the beginning she had felt home - until Kili, Bofur and Nori had returned to Erebor, leaving her alone with the feeling she had lost everything she'd ever loved.   
  
She had sent a messenger with the gems to Mirkwood, but had kept the Arkenstone since that did'nt belong to Thranduil. Alyssae supposed he was satisfied, since she already felt horrible. 

Still he had been wrong. She didn't wish that Thorin had died in his dungeons, as he had predicted. Every day she wished he would knock on the gates of Chyndall, begging for her return, but that obviously wouldn't happen.

At night she had nightmares in which Thranduil's whip tore the skin from his body. Bathing in sweat she woke up, staring in the face of her sister, who wet her heated forehead and whispered calming words.

She had expected that the memories about the dwarfs would fade when she was back with her kin, but nothing was less true. Everything reminded her of them, like the absence of meat during dinner and the modest melodies that were all around her. She knew she had to try harder to move on, but as long as her beloved kept asking what had happened, she shut down, having no longer the lust to perform her tasks. She wanted to be treated like they had treated her before, without whispers that followed her, speculating about the reasons that had made her so introverted. 

She watched two swans that searched their way through the lake together. It made her sad, knowing that her soulmate was not a swan, but a duck. A duck that had found his own way, although she had not the slightest idea where it would lead him.

She stood up and stared to her reflection in the water. It was not only her body that she was looking at. With her fingers she touched her breast, under which Thranduin's heart beat. Tears appeared in her eyes while remembering his offer. She knew she had to undertake a journey to his kingdom to visit his grave, but her father wouldn't let her leave before she had told him the whole story and she wasn't ready to do so yet. Her hands slid down, until they settled on her swollen belly. That also hid a piece of life that was not only hers.

 


	3. Distance - Raphael

"She still hasn't said anything?"

Sadly Raphael shook his head, putting his hand on that of Melline. "I can't get a single word out of her." She sighed and the sight of her disappointed face increased his sad feelings. He couldn't help it that he started to lose his patience, although he could better disguise his feelings than his parents-in-law. 

Alyssae had been away for almost a year, had suddenly came back with three dwarfs and since that moment she had barely talked to them. It felt like she had set him aside. In the past he had been her best friend, the one she had entrusted everything, but now not a single word came over her lips. 

He started to realize that he had lost his friend and sister-in-law. Even though she was physically present, the bond that had existed between them was gone and he had not the impression that Alyssae wanted to improve their relationship. She seemed to be satisfied with her distant friends, of which he didn't even know how they had met and why they had kept her from home for such a long time.

"She suffers every day," Melline whispered. "And she screams while she's sleeping... It is horrible to see her wither like that."

Raphael could do nothing but agree, because he didn't know the Alyssae who was here now. He knew her fiance had died during his search for her and he could imagine that she felt guilty, but there had to be more. He knew she was pregnant, even though she hadn't told him. She probably believed they did not know, but Melline had heard her throw up often and after a while he had noticed her swollen belly as well. He supposed her pregnancy also created a distance between Alyssae and her family, for she was not married and she had not preserved her body. She probably expected her parents to deject her, but Raphael knew they longed for the  _real_ return of their daughter, without judging her - relationships.

He touched Melline's cheek. He wanted to immortalize their love, but he knew the right time was not now. His parents-in-law wanted to wait until Alyssae had found a partner as well, but meanwhile he suspected that would take a while and to be honest he found it a little absurd to wait. Still he didn't dare to speak about that loudly, for it was a miracle Melline's parents gave her to an elf who was not even royal. 

It was something he hadn't dared to hope for, although he had come to Chyndall with a purpose and he had done everything to be around Melline and her family. 

"What are you thinking about?" Her fingers stroked his cheek and he smiled, even though not sincere. Although they were together for almost nine years, she did not know the secret he lived with and she had not the slightest idea why he had come to her city. 

"I was thinking about us," he answered, kissing her tenderly. "I want to be with you."

Her smile made his heart jump and she held him in his arms. "Our time will come."

Raphael nodded and kissed her hand, although waiting was hard. Every moment of delay could lead to the dead of someone he loved.

 


	4. Crushed Paper - Alyssae

Alyssae stared out of the window. She held a feather in her hands, but couldn't find the right words. She knew she had to tell Thorin that she was expecting a child. She wanted to tell him first and in the meantime she couldn't deny her pregnancy, although she did not understand how it could have happened. Had Thranduil's curse been nothing but air? Had he scared her, just to lay his hands upon the gems? She knew it would only increase Thorin's anger, but he deserved the truth.

She cast her look back to the empty parchment on the writing table. She could not even think of a suiting beginning and in the end she only wrote down his name. There were hundreds of things that she wanted to tell him, but she decided to stick to the point.

_Thorin,_

_I don't know how to say this and it is awful to use a letter, but Thranduil's curse never existed. I am pregnant. We're having a baby. I don't know how we have to do this, but you deserve to know this._

She stared to the lines she had put on the paper. It sounded emotionless. A sober observation of a fact nobody could deny. As if it didn't cause confusing feelings. As if she didn't miss him, as if she didn't long for a message every day. She rumpled the piece of parchment, threw it in a corner and started all over again. 

The pile of crushed paper kept growing and the sun already went down when Alyssae finally put a dot on the paper and decided to keep the letter this way. The idea that Thorin would read her words, did so much to her that her eyes were puffy and red.  
  
 _Months have passed by since I left Erebor. Since then I wonder how you're doing. Is the construction of your city going well? Have many dwarfs returned? I would like to stop by someday, but I fear my father will prohibit such an undertaking._  
  
 _Chyndall doesn't feel like a home anymore. Everyone is worried and I can go nowhere without someone keeping an eye on me. I miss the mountains and the rivers. Is miss all of you. I miss you, Thorin, more than ever. I am sorry you have to hear this by letter, but I can't travel to Erebor in my current condition._  
   
 _A few weeks after my return I have discovered that Thranduil's curse never existed - or it hasn't worked, at least. Maybe because he hadn't taken into account the fact that you're not an elf. I am pregnant, Thorin._

 _I don't know how things will work out in the future, but of course I want our child to know its father. I hope you can come here when I have given birth to our son or daughter. I will make sure you will be received warmly. This is in converge with my decision to leave, but this is something none of us had foreseen. Not even Thranduil._  
  
I hope all goes well in Erebor and I hope to hear from you soon. 

_With love,  
Alyssae_

Biting on her lip she rolled up the parchment. That was that. It made her nervous that she couldn't see his reaction herself, that she had to wait for a letter. She pressed her seal on the role and walked to one of the doves that were bred for this purpose.

"Bring it to Erebor," she whispered, letting go the bird. In a flash she thought back to the last time she had sent a dove. Thorin had beat the animal out of the air, afraid she would betray him. The fear to be betrayed had never left him, as he had shown later. Even after they had both admitted they loved each other, he had crossed the line because he thought she and Thranduil were hand and glove.

She watched the bird, holding her belly with her hands. The life that was growing inside, was more than a child. It filled her with euphoria for it had sustained Thranduil's evil. It gave her hope - hope that it would reunite Thorin and her, so  she could smile again.

 

 


	5. Companions - Thorin

"She's not coming back, majesty," a soft voice sounded behind him. 

Thorin looked over his shoulder, to the dwarf woman who stared at the ground. Her cheeks were red and she probably knew very well she meddled with other people's business. Although he did not answer, he turned his back to the path swinging through the forlorn fields. He didn't went outside often, for as soon as he did, things like this happened. Before he realized, he was wasting his time by staring in the distance, hoping to see an elf escort, although he knew very well she had no reason to come back.

"Dinner is ready."

One of his servants bowed his head humbly and Thorin nodded shortly. He walked to the dining room and sat down at the head side of the table. Kili sat to his right, but the chair to his left was empty. It would stay empty as long as his kingship endured.  
Some dwarfs lifted the lids from the dishes and a lovely scent of food reached his nostrils. The first thing he however did, was taking a large sip from his cup that was filled with wine. Although he could not skip dinner, he found it the most horrible moment of the day, with the angry face of Kili next to him, who still refused to look him in the eye. Every time Thorin looked at his nephew, he was reminded of the moment that his blade cut through the flesh of his other nephew.   
  
Thorin's glance wandered across the men sitting around the table. They mainly sat there for politeness-sake, because he fled from them the rest of the day. They were however the reason they were eating now so elaborately, despite the difficulty he felt when looking in their eyes, knowing they had seen a side of him that he wanted to forget about. He rather was surrounded by the dwarfs who had arrived later. They didn't remind him of Alyssae, although everyone in Erebor seemed to have heard of her.

While Thorin cut his venison in four, he thought about everything they had done the last months. The halls were clean, refined and rebuilt. Adjacent halls still needed to be taken care of, but every day new dwarfs trickled in, falling on their knees and declaring their willingness to become his servant.

In the meanwhile there were some hundreds of citizens and even some women. Even without the Arkenstone they accepted him as their king, although he punished everyone who dared to speak of that stone. Otherwise the Arkenstone could become a subject of discussion and he was afraid fanatic dwarfs would travel to Chyndall or Mirkwood without his permission, determined to bring back their gem. Only his former companions knew why he had given away the jewel, but he doubted that the rest of them would understand why he had exchanged their pride for the life of an elf they had never seen.   
  
After dinner Vaughn tapped on his shoulder. He was a dwarf that Thorin had got to know just after Alyssae's departure. His sister and he had been one of the first who returned to the mountain and Thorin had welcomed them with open arms. He was a smart dwarf, who had shown his helpfulness many times. Thorin liked him, certainly because he knew nothing about the horrible things that had happened after the reconquest of Erebor, so that Thorin didn't need to feel ashamed when he looked him in the eye.

"I have to show you something."

Thorin shoved his chair back, wondering what could be so important, and led him to his private rooms.

 


	6. Hungry Flames - Vaughn

Vaughn observed the face of his king while they both sat down on a chair. He had no idea how Thorin would react on the message. He never spoke about his feelings for the elf, but he had to take action. Even doing nothing was a decision - and the best one in his opinion.

He showed the message his men had intercepted. He did not know of what material it was made. It was thicker than parchment, but that was all he could say. He watched Thorin's eyebrows creeping closer as he extended his arm and took the message. 

"I've seen this before," Thorin grumbled and his eyes flashed across the letters that he was not able to understand. 

Vaughn was sincerely surprised. "Are you serious?"

"Gandalf handed me a message like this, almost two years ago."

"What was in it?" he wanted to know. 

"A price for my head."

Vaughn waited a moment before he answered: "This time it's not about your head."

The shock could be read from his face. Apparently he thought to know who raised so much dust and Vaughn was really curious to unravel the reasons. 

"The elf, my lord. They want her head."

His face turned pale. Although Thorin had never spoken a word about it, it became immediately clear how much the elf woman meant to him. 

"What exactly does it say?" Thorin wanted to know. He clearly tried to stay calm, but Vaughn noticed fear had grasped him very tightly. 

"Those are not nice words, my lord," he warned his king. 

Thorin shrugged, his eyes fixed on him. Vaughn took the letter out of Thorin's hands.

"An inexpressible reward for the one who brings the head of Oakenshield's whore."

For a moment he feared his king would burst out in tears, but he kept his dignity and straightened his shoulders. "Fortunately she's far from here. I need to warn her."

That was exactly what Vaughn had expected and he shook his head. "That is too obvious, my lord. They will keep an eye on the birds." He took a deep breath. "I think it's best to cut off all contact with her. For her safety. They're marching our way. They think the elf is here. Don't give them reason to doubt."

Thorin stood up, pacing up and down the room. "Still, I have to warn her."

"You can't do that without putting her in danger. Is that what you want?" He lowered his voice. "From what I understand, hasty decisions have caused trouble before."

Thorin stared furiously in his eyes and for a moment Vaughn feared he would be sent away, but then he turned away his face in shame. 

"What do you suggest?"

"To not contact her." He gave his king a penetrating look. "None of us."

"I doubt Kíli will listen," he mumbled.

Vaughn suppressed a sigh. "You're the king. You make the rules and even a successor needs to obey them."

Thorin mumbled something inaudible and gestured he could leave. "Let me think about it."

"It's the only safe solution," Vaughn stressed. "The orcs do not know in which community she lives."

"Maybe they will overrun every elf kingdom when they find out she's not here," Thorin muttered.

"Do not underestimate the power of Rivendell and Mirkwood."

His king watched him with sad eyes. "She's not there."

Vaughn turned around, a satisfied smile adorned his face. Then only a few small, almost unremarkable kingdoms would remain. He left the chamber and went to his own room, where he put the pamphlet in the fire. The material ignited quickly and all that was left of it a few minutes later, were some smoldering remains. He stared at the malicious flames, that had devoured an important message for the second time this day...

 

 


	7. Saving Yourselves - Kíli

Kíli sunk down in the pillows of a sofa in one of the rooms of his uncle. With his hands he brushed the soft fabric, wondering if somebody had ever sat on it before. He didn't found Thorin the type to sit here. 

Impatiently he glanced at his uncle, who had just closed the door. Kíli wasn't often summoned and he wondered what the meaning was of all this.

"Vaughn just showed me a message that they have intercepted from an orc pack."

Kíli did not answer, but watched Thorin from his seat. His thoughts seemed miles away.   
"And?"

"They want to avenge Azog." His voice had lost his firmness and he watched his nephew desperately, as if he hoped Kíli would stand up now to kill all the orcs in the vicinity. 

"Are they looking for Alyssae? How do you know?" Kíli gave him an examining look, but his whole expression showed him that he was right and it caused goose bumps on his arms. 

"That was in the message."

"Her name?" Kíli didn't understand. Somebody must have told that to them. 

"No. It said she was my -" He did not finish his sentence, but shook his head furiously. "Vaughn suggested to break all contact with Chyndall."

"There already is no contact," Kíli huffed. 

Thorin leaned with his palms on the table and stared at him. "For the time being you cannot visit her."

"I'll just make sure no orc sees me," Kíli answered. He did not feel at home in Erebor, where his brother had died. It was a liberation to travel to the woods to visit Alyssae. "Somebody has to tell her."

Thorin watched him pensively. "Yeah? Is that true? You want her to live in fear, knowing that Azog's friends are looking for her?"

Kíli kept silent. Somehow Thorin was right, but doing nothing felt terrible.

"I do not deem it impossible that this message has ended up in my hands on purpose, to see what action I undertake. You can only leave the city to lead them astray." He looked up, his eyes were dark shadows. "You can lead them to Mirkwood."

"To Mirkwood?" Kili grumbled. "Are you serious?"

"It was only an idea,' Thorin sighed. "Thranduil still needs to pay for what he has done."'

"And then what?" Kíli spitted out. "If there's  _somebody_ who would love to tell the orcs where Alyssae lives, it's him!"

Thorin's face grew gloomy. His words only seemed to make him more nervous. "It was a stupid idea. If Thranduil indeed gets wind of this..." Powerless he shook his head. 

Kíli peeked at his uncle for a long time, but he didn't know a solution either. He had seen Chyndall and they had a good amount of warriors, but it felt like orc armies grew forever.

"Still... if I do nothing, the worries drive me crazy."

Kíli snorted and looked away. Thorin wasn't the only one who was worried about an elf. He had no idea what had happened to Tauriel, and she was even serving an insane king. Still he had learned to let it go, or it would make him just as mad as his uncle was. Tauriel had to save herself and as things were now, Alyssae had to do the same. He did not like to admit it, but it was true. He would only bring harm to them when paying them a visit.

"I assume they will first march to our walls?" Kíli asked after a while. 

Thorin nodded. 

"Then we have to be prepared."

 


	8. Opening Up - Alyssae

Alyssae closed the door behind her and stepped on the porch, that was filled with colorful flowers. Her parents sat in a rocking bench. Father had wrapped his arm around his wife. Both looked up in surprise when they saw her.

Alyssae suppressed the longing to leave again and took place on the wooden balustrade, observing her parents. There were dark bags under the eyes of her mother and Alyssae knew she had been awake for nights. Her father also looked tired, which could be concluded from the defeated look in his eyes.

"Just ask whatever you want." She sighed when her father didn't seem to understand. "Ask your questions. I'm sick of all this whispering behind my back."

"Alys..."

"It's okay, dad. I mean it. I wasn't ready yet, but now I am."

She saw her mother had intertwined her fingers. "Why didn't you come back, Alyssae? Why did it take so long?"

Although Alyssae had hoped she didn't need to drag up the whole history by these questions, deep inside she had known there was no way to avoid it. "I was freed by dwarfs from the dungeons of the goblin. They were on their way to reconquer Erebor and I decided to go with them." She stared at the ground. "I wanted to see something of the world. I wanted to do something in return."

"What went wrong?" her father asked when he noticed the sad glimmer in her eyes.

She kept staring to the wooden planks beneath her feet. "I fell in love."

"With a dwarf?" There was no aversion in his voice, but he was surely surprised.

"Yes. With Thorin, Durin's heir, better known as Thorin Oakenshield. Heir of the dwarf kingdom of Erebor."

Her father stood up from the bench when he saw a tear glitter in the corner of her eye. She missed him so much she seemed to feel pain everywhere. 

"We knew it wouldn't work between us," Alyssae whispered, "but we still tried." She wiped her eyes clean. "I ruined it. He ruined it." She clenched her fists embittered. "But above all it was Thranduil who destroyed everything."

The eyebrows of her father raised in surprise. "Thranduil?"

"Our journey brought us to Mirkwood. I fell in the water and woke up in his kingdom, where Thranduin was waiting for me." For a moment it felt like Thranduin's hart bounced a little heavier in her chest and she laid her hand upon her skin. "In Mirkwood ... Thorin and I grew closer. We knew we had no future for I was already engaged to someone else, but we really loved each other, no matter how hard we tried to hide it." She bit on her lip. "Thranduil knew. He threw Thorin in the dungeons and tortured him until he was almost dead. Together with Thranduin we broke into the dungeons and he healed Thorin." Full of hate she looked up to her parents. "But that wasn't enough. Thranduil threatened to lock up all the dwarfs if I refused his terms. I had to give him his gems: the stars of pure starlight and the Arkenstone. If I refused, he would overrun Erebor. But even  _that_ was not enough. He cursed my womb, so that I could bear no children." Alyssae didn't gave her parents the chance to interrupt. She wanted to tell the whole story at once. "Until we reached Erebor, we were happy. Thranduin came with us. He was the one who broke our engagement because he knew my heart didn't belong to him. We defeated the dragon and everyone was floated by happiness. Except me." Her voice started to tremble. "I knew Thranduil had lied to me. The Arkenstone wasn't his. The stone belonged to the dwarfs: it was their most precious possession. When I - when I told Thorin, he lost his self-control. He tried to kill me, but Fíli jumped in front of me and died. I felt so guilty I drove a sword through my chest, but Thranduin gave his heart and brought me back. I - I returned to continue my life here, but I can't." She looked up to her parents. "When I came home, another lie came to light. I was not infertile. I carry Thorin's child."

"My dear child," was all her mother said and she wrapped her arms around her. "I don't know what to say or how I can help you."

Alyssae knew they couldn't. Although she loved them, it was Thorin who she needed. Not only because she was longing for him, but even more because their child needed his father. "I can't forget him, mom," she whispered. "I am so afraid his heart is only growing darker without me on his side. I have no idea how things are going and that ignorance... it's almost killing me." She wiped the tears from her cheeks, but they kept coming. "Fíli and Thranduin both loved me. They gave their lives so I could be with the one I loved and now we're still miles apart." She stroked her belly. "I wrote him about our child. I hope he will come to see him or her." She bit her lip. "But Thorin is so unpredictable and so much time has passed by... I'm afraid he has ousted me."

"I can't imagine." Her mother brushed her cheek and let go of her. "No one will forget you. He will write back. I'm sure of it." She kissed her forehead. 

"I hope so," Alyssae whispered, "but I'm terrified that - that I'll never see him again. I am afraid that Thranduil still has to play his last trump."

 

 


	9. Becoming His Queen - Vaughn

"How far are they?" Vaughn asked his scout. 

"They are still gathering their armies. I heard they will aim at us."

He thought about the information, but it suited his plans. Erebor was like a fortress and he knew they would triumph over the orcs. He had already sent messages to the Iron Hills and Moria and he believed they could welcome extra forces soon, apart from the amounts of men that joined them every day. 

He wasn't worried. Actually this assault came at the right time. It was exactly what Thorin needed. He needed to draw his attention to the facts, setting the right priorities, and Vaughn knew very well how to help. After this attack he would forget that elf doll forever.

He sent the scout away and summoned his sister. She was serving Thorin's sister, although she gave almost no orders because she didn't need a servant. 

As soon as she knocked on the door softly, a smile appeared on his face. She looked beautiful - much more feminine than most dwarf women he knew. 

He placed his hand on the bench next to him and looked at her. "Tell me about your progress, Aymara."

"There's not much to tell yet," she answered softly. 

He lifted her chin when she avoided his glance, forcing her to look right into his eyes. "Oakenshield loves women with character."

Anyway, that was what he expected, for he had understood that elf whore had killed the giant orc of Gundabad - the reason there was a price on her head.

He pressed his nails in her chin when she looked down again, so that her eyes met his quickly.

"He hasn't even looked at me," she whispered. "A while ago he stood outside, staring in the distance, but I was nothing but air to him. 

"You have to try harder," Vaughn grumbled. "Or don't you  _want_  him, hmm?"

"I do," she whispered quickly. "He - he's attractive."

"He's a  _king_  and you will be his  _queen_ ," he amended his sister. "The rest is meaningless." The corner of his mouth lifted a little. "It will not take long before he needs two comforting arms. Be there for him." He let go of her chin and caressed her cheek. "You're the most beautiful woman who's ever been in Erebor, Aymara. Don't be so insecure."

He saw that she intertwined her fingers nervously and he suppressed a sigh. Aymara was the only weak spot in his plan, but he needed her. As a woman she could manage things he couldn't. 

"What if he doesn't want me?" she whispered, making him even more angry. 

"Just make him wanting you. There are so few women here and the ones I've seen, can barely be called a woman." He grabbed her arm and threw her on the ground. She looked at him in fear. "You have to stay in shape." He lowered his pants. 

The look in her eyes was almost moving, but it only turned him on. 

"I mean it, Aymara," he spoke in a dangerous volume, where after she sat before him, crouched. 

She did not look at him, but he no longer cared. He leaned back on the bench, closing his eyes, while he felt her fingers around his hard member, followed by her soft, warm lips.

 

 


	10. Family - Raphael

"Are you nervous?" Alyssae asked. 

"Of course," he grinned. "You only marry once."

She gave him a watery smile. He hoped she could smile tomorrow, for she hadn't done that since she had returned home. The last months hadn't made things better. In the end she had told him about the dwarf who had made her pregnant. He had insisted for a very long time, but when she started to cry more often, he had forced her to tell her story. 

Since then he had hoped time would heal her wounds, but nothing could be less true. She kept looking longing to the sky, hoping to see a pigeon with a letter, but the bird from Erebor did not show itself.

"I am happy for you," Alyssae said softly. "Although it's hard to feel happy about anything those days."

He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close, kissing her temple. He placed his hand on her bump. "It won't take long before this small one will bring light into your world."

At least - that was what he was hoping. After all it was a crossing between an elf and a dwarf and he could hardly imagine what that would look like. He just saw a small Alyssae, a little firmly built than was usual for an elf, but furthermore the child would undoubtedly be as beautiful as his or her mother. 

"If it only keeps low tomorrow."

Raphael smiled and watched the stars that were reflected in the water. "It would be unbelievable if you would give birth tomorrow. Then you'll get two new family members in the same day."

Alyssae leaned against him. "You have been my family for a very long time, Raph. Long before my sister caught your eye."

* * *

They looked up in disturbance when they heard an unknown song. It was led by the wind and curiously his eyes followed the course of the river, where a large ship appeared. 

Alyssae stood up and from the longing glance in her eyes he concluded she hoped the ship brought her dwarf friends, but he knew better.

"Aye, brother!"

Before Raphael could even react, a red-haired elf glided down adeptly, landing between Alyssae and him. He didn't know what to say and stared at the elf, with his unusual clothes, tattooed chest, bright green eyes and enormous grin. It had been more than hundreds years since he had seen his brother.

"Stop staring like that and introduce me to that beautiful woman on your side. Is that her?"

"I - no, that's her sister," he reacted, totally confused. 

His eyes wandered across Alyssae and then he kissed her hand. "I'm Eldinòr, Raphael's elder brother."

"Alyssae," she answered, almost as confused as he was. 

He saw she aimed her questioning look at him, but their eye contact was broken when Eldinòr hugged him tightly. 

"Marrying without family members around is asking for trouble."

Raphael kept silent. Of course he was glad that his brother wanted to attend the occasion - that he was here at all - but it would raise many questions. His wife-to-be didn't even know he had family...

"Well, we've traveled far."

Eldinòr hadn't changed much. He still liked to hear his own voice and didn't bother to share his opinion. He nodded at his men and hit his shoulder. 

"I - I'll make sure you'll get some food," Alyssae said.

She wanted to walk away, but Eldinòr grabbed her wrist. "Take it easy, sweetheart." He glanced at her belly. "You're the last one who should be busy."

 


	11. Too Much Too Ask - Alyssae

Alyssae glanced for a moment in his emerald eyes, not knowing what to answer. She was totally baffled now Raphael seemed to have a brother and she wondered why he had never said anything about this Eldinòr. Would Melline know? At least there would be some more guests ...

Eldinòr spoke elated to his brother, but Raphael was remarkably quiet and his eyes flashed nervously from left to right, confirming her presumptions. Eldinòr and his men plausibly belonged to the  _Nirgoonva._ Notorious elves that she only knew from stories. But Eldinòr's accent, the tattoos on his arms and chest, the jewels around his fingers and the silver spheres under his lip spoke for themselves, so that Alyssae could understand why Raphael had held back the existence of a rapacious, corrupt seafarer. 

After all, it was unusual that her father permitted Raphael to marry his daughter and this appearance wouldn't have made things better. Still she didn't believe father would have changed his mind, since his other daughter had been intimate with a dwarf. A royal dwarf to be sure, but still a dwarf.   
   
When the men went inside laughing loud and disturbing the peace, Alyssae had a flashback. Months ago it had been twelve noisy dwarfs who had disturbed the peace in another elf city. 

Alyssae decided she didn't want to hear the commotion. It was clear that Eldinòr talked easily and she believed he could take care of himself. She went to her own room. Her back hurt, she was tired and since tomorrow would be a long, emotional day she decided to go to sleep. She was glad Melline and Raphael would marry after all. After Alyssae had told her parents about Thorin, they had understood that it would take some time before their eldest daughter would marry, so her father wanted to give away his youngest daughter, instead of her.

Alyssae stared at the ceiling, thinking about tomorrow. She didn't look forward to see her sister and Raphael kneel before the altar, knowing she should have stand there with Thranduin. The fact that they would promise each other love and loyalty, hurt deep inside. She would be there on her own, together with an unborn child and her thoughts with a man who had forgotten her. He must have read the letter by now and Alyssae even considered to send a second one out of fear that the letter hadn't reached its destination, but she didn't dare. She knew very well Thorin had received the letter, but he clearly didn't long for any contact with her. She clearly belonged to a phase of his life that was over.

He had known how to carry on with his life, while she clung to memories that only caused tears in her eyes. When she closed her eyes, she could hear his voice. She relived his hands gliding across her back and caressing her breasts. His lips touching hers, his tongue turning tenderly around hers. The joy that had flown through her when they had become one - resulting in something that should have been the evidence of their love.  
  
She remembered the song he had written for her. Words that didn't seem to be more than words.

_'The miles will pull apart, but I will not lose sight of the gift that I've been handed, been blessed so much but why? I feel so undeserving but I wanted you to know; you're the brightest shining star I've ever seen.'_

Would he ever think back of that song? Did he see her when he looked at the stars? Did he still consider her as a blessing - or as a curse? 

Alyssae couldn't let go of all her hope, but deep inside she knew better. If he really missed her, he would have sought contact. Even if he cared just a little about her, he would have written back a letter. But even that was too much to ask.

 


	12. Wedding Talk - Alyssae

Alyssae couldn't help she felt hollow when the two were blessed. She hated herself because she couldn't set aside her own grief, not being able to enjoy the fact that Melline and Raphael were expressing their love.

She felt ice cold and stared at the sky, while she had the inexplicable feeling that the firmament could collapse any moment.

She wanted to withdraw from her people, but she knew that would be rude so she kept receiving congratulations with a smile on her face that didn't reach her eyes. For a moment her heart relived when she saw the beaming faces of the bride and groom, but in a flash she saw herself, hand in hand with Thorin. She wished them all the luck in the world, but her own grief seemed heavier than ever.

Alyssae tried to participate in conversations, but her attention faded away easily and it became hard to stand, so that she had to sit on a chair. From the side she glanced at Eldinòr, but he spoke elated with her father.

She startled when he suddenly looked at her and winked. Quickly she looked the other way, but it was too late.

"I haven't seen you dancing, princess."

He offered his hand and Alyssae sighed. Still she let him pull her on her feet. He took her hand in his and his fingers triggered a memory immediately, in which she stood this way with Thranduin, under the suspicious eye of his uncle. A shiver crept down her spine, which didn't escape Eldinòr's attention.

"You feel cold?"

He touched her cheek and she gasped. It had only been Thorin who had touched her that way.

"Don't do that," she answered curtly.

If he felt offended, he didn't show it. "As you wish. Forgive me my insolence, but I'm not often near elves who are as beautiful as you."

"Save the flattering." She let go of him. "I don't need it."

A smile played around his lips. "I know, but the nature of a man doesn't change that easily, eh." His eyes wandered to her belly and she wondered what he was thinking. "Was it impossible to wait with the wedding until Oakenshield had less orcs around?"

Alyssae stared bewildered at him. "W-what?"

Eldinòr shook his head. "My apologies. This is no subject for a wedding."

Alyssae looked fiercely at him. "You should have thought about that before."

He put an arm around her waist when a bell sounded, letting the guests know that dinner was ready.

"How do you know about Thorin and me?" she hissed suspiciously while they sat around the table.

"Once again, princess, we can't have this conversation now. I'm sorry, but I don't want to ruin this beautiful evening."

He gave her a penetrating look and Alyssae bowed her head ashamed, for he was right. Still she could eat no longer. How could she eat here peacefully and enjoy a party while Thorin was in danger? She was torn by so much contradictory feelings that the tears jumped in her eyes.

"Is he in danger?" she still asked clumsy.

Eldinòr cut his food in pieces and watched her. "I didn't want to make you afraid, Alyssae. I just didn't know you had no contact. I was already wondering why they hadn't postponed the wedding, but now I see Thorin is not invited."

Alyssae stared at her plate. The food that was served made her feel sick.  "We have no contact indeed." She blinked her tears away. She could not cry. Not now.

Eldinòr squeezed her knee softly. "Calm down. He'll manage."

"Are they at war?"

The first tear already run down her cheek.

"I don't know whether the first arrows are already shot, but it won't take long."

"But why?" she muttered. "Why can't they leave him alone?"

Eldinòr did not look at her when he answered. "That's just how orcs are."

 

 


	13. Hostage - Thorin

Thorin stared forward absently, barely noticing that someone sat beside him and put her hand on his. 

She said or did nothing, but also eyed in the emptiness, as if she hoped it would help her to unravel his thoughts.

"Does it ever go away?" he whispered. He turned his face aside and watched her. 

"Your longing? Time will make it less, but it will never truly go away."

Thorin stared at the ground. He felt ashamed of his words. He missed a woman who was far away from him, but who was still alive and was probably happy. She however missed her husband, who had died years ago, and now her oldest son was gone as well. A sadness that laid much deeper than his, although his everlasting insecurities kept opening wounds.

"Aren't you worried about the battle that is coming?"

Thorin shrugged. "We will outnumber them. I just hope they will not find out Alyssae's not here."

"She is a princess. She will be guarded very well."

He kept silent, eager to believe her words, but he would be at ease when he held her in his arms. 

"Maybe you should visit her," Dís suggested after a while. "When this fight is over."

It gave him confidence that his sister thought they would win. He knew they had good chances, but there was never a certainty. "She doesn't want to see me."

"You don't know that. Maybe she's missing you just as badly."

"She's welcome here."

"She is not a king, Thorin. She doesn't have the ability to do whatever she wants."

Thorin thought about her words. He knew his kingdom was in good hands when he left for a while, but would it change anything? Maybe things would turn out well, so that he could hold her in his arms and be sure she was safe, but then? Then he had to return, back to the same doubts.

"That wouldn't solve anything."

Dís looked at him for a very long time. " _This_  isn't going to solve anything either." She stood up and laid her hands on his shoulders. "You are unhappy. You are unhappy for such a long time and the fact that you're longing for her so badly, makes clear that she has shown you another side of life."

Thorin sighed deeply and stood up. "Let's first kick some orcs before we're going to make other plans."  
  
He said goodbye to Dís and went looking for his commander-in-chief. "What's your estimation?"

"Two more days, majesty."

Thorin nodded and worked out other matters. The rooms for the children and women were ready in case the orcs would invade. A part of his own soldiers would stay behind to protect them. 

He walked to the spot that gave him the best overview, where he met Dain. His face was optimistic and Thorin knew what he was thinking. The orcs had attacked the clans for such a long time that every dwarf heart was burning with fire, longing to stop their dismal raids for good. 

They all believed Alyssae was nothing but a cover, a low attempt to draw Thorin out and they hadn't succeed. For centuries they were trying to take in dwarf cities and they wanted to attack Erebor before the city was as prosperous as it once had been, but Thorin knew they would fail. They couldn't defeat the unified armies of Erebor, the Iron Hills and the many dwarfs that had lived in the Blue Mountains many years ago.  

Thorin looked over his shoulder when he heard footsteps and he raised his eyebrows in surprise when Vaughn watched him with a solemn face.

"If my scouts do not mistake, they have a hostage."

"A hostage?" Dain repeated in surprise, who knew just like anyone else that  was very unusual.

"An elf." 

 


	14. Dangerous Talks

Carefully he turned Alyssae around. He had never danced with a pregnant lady, but even with her baby bump he found her a real beauty. He noticed she looked longing in his eyes, as many women had done, although she wanted something different than all the others he had held in his arms. She didn't want to be touched. She wanted him to speak and she even seemed to use her charms to persuade him.

"How long will we play this game?" she whispered when his glance wandered to her breasts again, which were emphasized by the red dress she was wearing. 

He almost wanted to tell her that his tongue would surely become looser if she put out a piece of cloth, but he kept himself in control. She was a princess. He wasn't often in contact with royal families, except when they were hiring him, but he knew how to work up the respect she deserved. Maybe her status was making her even more attractive, for she was quite out of his reach and not for hire. Although it might also be that lovely persistent look in her eyes.   
"Game?" he repeated as innocent as he could. 

A scornful grin appeared on her face. "You think I don't know what your intentions are?"

He sniffed, even though her irony amused him. "I expect your current ... conditions will cause some limitations."

"You would be surprised."

Even though he knew she was only making fun of him, his heartbeat raced up. Her slim fingers curled around his wrist and she pulled him away from the others. A little surprised he followed her, until she pushed him against a tree and looked right into his eyes. 

"Tell me. What do you know about Thorin."

He glanced in her hypnotizing violet eyes. "That he no longer needs to wonder what beauty is hidden by that dress."

Oops. That was not very courtly. 

Alyssae's facial expression didn't change, but his eyes widened when she suddenly pushed a dagger against his throat. "I'm not in the mood for jokes."

He would have made a silly joke when her fascinating eyes hadn't watched him so coldly, or when he had been unaware of the fact that she had beheaded an orc commander without blinking an eye. She might be a beautiful woman, but she had shown that she was not a sweet little princess - one more reason why he couldn't deny he found her attractive. "You always take weapons to weddings?"

"As long as I'm carrying Thorin's heir, no enemy will come close."

"I am not your enemy, Alys."

"I will decide that for myself, Eldi." She pierced the weapon in his skin, causing a flickering of pain. "Now, tell me what you're doing here."

"You don't seem the kind of person that will accept my words just like that."

Her eyes twinkled dangerously. "Then do your best to convince me."

"Will you take away the knife?"

She smiled. "No. This is almost exciting."

"It is."

Her face was still steadfast and he rolled his eyes. 

"Is it strange that I want to be present at the marriage of my brother?"

"It is when he hasn't talked about you in a hundred years."

Eldinòr thought fast, but he couldn't come up with an explanation she would agree with.   
"Everyone has secrets. My way of life isn't welcomed with open arms everywhere."

Alyssae kept looking in her eyes, as a predator waiting to strike. Then she lowered the dagger. "The orcs. What do they want?"

"There's only one thing they want," Eldinòr answered shortly, wondering how she would react.   
"Which is?"

"Your head, milady."

At least he had expected her to gasp for breath, but she kept staring so intensely in his eyes he started to sweat for unknown reasons. 

"How do you know?"

Eldinòr shook his shoulders. "We hear everything, honey. If there's a filthy job to do, we're usually the first to hear. And with all respect, milady, but there's a nice price on your head. The last one whose throat you slid, apparently had fathered a son whose blood-thirst is a chip of the old block."


	15. Possibilities - Alyssae

"So Azog has a son," Alyssae mumbled, abhorred wondering  who would want to breed with such a disgusting creature. She put away her dagger. Maybe it had been unwise to challenge a  _Nirgoonva_ , but Eldinòr did not seem a vengeful type and she doubted he had really felt driven up the wall. 

"That's how it seems."

Alyssae looked thoughtfully at him. Many things seemed to be wrong with this elf.   
"How did you know I was here?"

He started to laugh. "That we don't feel connected with a kingdom, doesn't mean that we don't know what's going on in the world. You have been vanished, princess. Don't you think they asked us to keep an eye on things? You have done some incredible things and the dead of Smaug wasn't shoved under the rug. It's quite remarkable when an elf woman travels around with thirteen dwarfs."

His green eyes sparkled with every word he said and Alyssae noticed she liked to look at them. Those eyes that had seen so much of the world. That every day met the adventures she was missing so much. 

"Have you ever met Thorin?" Alyssae wanted to know. 

To her disappointment the man shook his head. "Unfortunately I have not, although that day will come now Erebor is flourishing again."

Alyssae couldn't help that she tried to sue the battle with the orcs as an excuse for not having received a message from him. Obviously he had been busy with other matters, but it didn't take very long to write down some hasty sentences. 

"I have sent him a letter," she admitted. "Months ago. You think the orcs might have intercepted it?"

"If that was true, they wouldn't have marched to Erebor."

Alyssae kept silent and stared the other way. Should she send the orcs a message that she was here? She would endanger the community and she was probably too late anyway. Azog had sworn to eliminate the line of Durin and his son probably took over this promise with pleasure. She thought about the child in her womb, that also belonged to that line now.

"So he does not know about your pregnancy?" Eldinòr asked with a smile around his lips that was a little too bold. 

"I have sent him a message, soon after my return. Apparently he doesn't care much."

Eldinòr stretched out his hand and touched her cheek. Alyssae was so stunned she didn't even bat away his arm. "I can't imagine someone will ever forget you, princess."

Alyssae looked uneasy at him, not knowing what to answer. "In case you meet him during one of your journeys; please tell him," she mumbled. "About the child."

Eldinòr kept looking at her so intensely that his glance reminded her of Thorin. "Why don't you come with me, after the confinement?"

"A ship is no place for a baby," she protested. 

He took his hand off her face. "Neither is this a place for a baby. Not without his father."

"Why would you help us?" Alyssae asked hesitating. 

He laughed. "I think you'll pay me well. See, I don't always have to accomplish sanctimonious tasks. Now and then I do something good for the people I know."

A careful smile appeared around Alyssae's lips. The first since a long, long time. Still the doubts kept gnawing. What if Thorin had read the letter, but did no longer care? What if he would smash the door in her face? She remembered the cold look in his eyes, when he raised his sword to cut her in two. It was a memory she wanted to hide away, but nobody could deny it had happened. She could better not be that naive to think he would still receive her with open arms after a year, not even when she showed him his son or daughter. Maybe he found it a monster. Maybe he had already found someone else who made him happy, for Alyssae knew for sure she wasn't the only one who longed for his touch. 


	16. To Battle - Thorin

Since Vaughn's words Thorin felt restless. He walked from left to right while the armies of the orcs came closer. Nobody had confirmed it was Alyssae, but who else could it be?

All his men were situated in the right place. He had set archers on the mountain, so they could let it rain arrows. The others were waiting outside for the orcs. Vaughn had wanted them to wait within the walls, but Thorin knew they could go nowhere when the orcs would break through. 

A group of women stayed in the front halls, where they would care for the wounded who would be brought in by the younger dwarfs.  

"She distracts your attention." 

Thorin looked aside irritated. He wished Vaughn stopped talking about Alyssae over and over again, for whatever he said about her, it was always something disturbing.   
"That's easy for you to say," Thorin grumbled. "It's not your lady they will slaughter before the gates of your kingdom."

A shiver crept down his spine when he thought about the moment they had left Mirkwood, by which Azog had laid his hands upon Alyssae. Thanks to Gandalf she had been able to kill the orc, but would Gandalf be there again to lift a smoke screen? He doubted it. He hadn't heard anything from the wizard since he had left.

Vaughn sighed when the echo of blowing horns sounded. "The time has come."

Thorin said nothing and walked outside. His golden weaponry glimmered in the sun light. His jaws tensed when he saw the overwhelming pack of orcs that had gathered. "Find her."

Vaughn watched him in disbelief. "My lord..."

"Find her!" he snarled. 

The man seemed willing to protest, but then he swallowed and glanced in silence at the numerous enemies.

Thorin stepped forward and walked before the rows of dwarfs that belonged to his kingdom. "I don't need to tell you where we are fighting for!" he yelled. "For decades orcs try to drive us off our homes! They're slaughtering our children and women. They destroy everything we've worked for so hard for and defile the sacred places of our ancestors. Let's end this all today! We will let them feel we can't stand it anymore! We don't flight to dark holes as they do when things are starting to get hot. We look right in the eyes of Death and we will prevail, for once and for good!"

The men rejoiced after hearing his words. He gave the archers the sign to get their bows ready, where after a rain of arrows went down. Thorin gave Vaughn a push and a premonitory look. Today he bore no critic.

He drew his sword and screamed angry at the creatures who had killed his family and friends. To the brutes who wanted Alyssae's head - something they would never get!   
  
The battle had barely started when Vaughn returned. He dragged with his leg and his arm was covered in blood. "It's her. They offer you one chance to surrender."

Thorin sniffed furiously. "Take me to her."

"You can't," Vaughn protested. "You're protecting the way to the door."

Before he realized it, he had grabbed Vaughn's throat. "Do I have to repeat everything I say?"

Vaughn shook his head hastily and waved vaguely aside. "She's there, but I don't think it's wise to..."

"Shut your damn mouth and do as I say!" Thorin snapped. 

He was all nerves. He had to see if it was really her. With shaking legs he walked after Vaughn. His guards followed him but he paid no attention to them. He only thought of Alyssae. All other thoughts were eclipsed immediately, so that he did not notice the orcs that made their way to the entrance of Erebor. He didn't hear the screams of the men who went down. Now and then he beat down an orc that came too close, but his eyes were fixed on a large, ugly orc that had wrapped a muscular arm around the throat of a brown haired elf.

 


	17. Merciless - Thorin

Relief took possession of him when he saw the elf was not Alyssae. It was undoubtedly an elf and her hair was dark as that of Alyssae, but furthermore they shared few similarities. He cursed loudly, why had he sent precisely Vaughn to see who it was? He was probably his only friend who did  _not_ know what Alyssae looked like. It however did mean that Alyssae was safe home and that he was able to stop this ridiculous hunt.

He raised his sword, but Azog's son held the girl as a shield between them. She watched him with helpless eyes, but he could only think of Alyssae. He didn't want the orc to slip away. He didn't want her to be in danger and if he had to sacrifice an innocent life - so be it. There were so many people who would die in this battle it made no difference. 

"Sorry," his eyes said, but he could not say the words when he swung the sword to the orc. The steel cut mercilessly through her neck. He ignored the blood that was squirting around, but looked his enemy remorseless in the eye, raising his sword again. This time the orc let go of the girl. She fell at on the ground and heartless Thorin stepped over her, lashing out to the creature.

The man smirked scornfully when he parried his blow, striking him hardly with his mace. Thorin withdrew when the weapon rushed towards him again and he fell over the body of the elf. Protectively he held up his shield, but it splintered under the power of the orc. Thorin had the feeling he was back in Moria, seeing Azog's dead blow coming closer. Again he had crashed onto an orc because it wanted to hurt someone he loved.

He tried to get on his feet, but the giant stepped on his leg and spitted in his face. Thorin felt a flaming pain that seemed to turn off his whole body when bones were breaking. His screams appeared to try to chase off the invaders, but there was no one who backed off. 

"My name is Bolg," the dismal creature entrusted him. "It's always nice to know by whom you are killed."

Perturbed Thorin grabbed his sword again, trying to chop the lower leg of the monster, but his blow was powerless by the pain and he didn't get through Bolg's armor. 

Suddenly the giant orc uttered a terrifying scream. He stepped from Thorin's leg and turned around. Panting for breath, Thorin made use of the opportunity to get on his feet. Flashes of pain shot through his body as soon as he exerted pressure on his leg and he clung to his guards, which were busy keeping the orcs away from him.

He glanced at Vaughn, who had driven his sword through Bolg's back - even though the orc didn't even seem to feel it. Thorin looked around, took away a spear out of someone's hands and smashed it forward, right through the head of the orc. The monster fell down immediately, right atop of Vaughn.

Thorin limped forward and rolled the body aside. He inhaled in relief when Vaughn freed himself. Thorin wanted to turn around to see how things were going, but all of a sudden the strength in his leg disappeared and Vaughn could grab his upper arm just in time.   
"You have to leave this place."

Thorin nodded briefly and squeezed his eyes for a few seconds. He was in so much pain he couldn't even think clearly. Deep inside he realized that Alyssae's danger was past, but he couldn't even triumph. A burning pain drew his attention and seemed to gulp down all his thoughts and emotions.   
  


 


	18. Don't Leave - Kili

Kili saw them too late; the orcs that headed for the entrance and were retained by dwarfs who were not positioned in a way they could keep the access road free from intruders. His eyes flashed over the men, but he did not recognize his uncle.  An arrow slid between his fingers, cutting a hole in the head of an orc. He climbed down. He didn't think about orders and felt a numbing fear when he saw that every dwarf that tried to close the door through which the wounded were brought inside, was killed in a brutal way.

What were they doing? Had Thorin fled inside? He couldn't imagine. Did they believe Alyssae was in there? If he was honest, he didn't think they  _really_  believed she was here.

He jumped down via a protruding rock and bounced through his knees, while throwing a dagger in the temple of an orc who wanted to enter Erebor.

"Back down!" Kili yelled. It was a reflex and he didn't even think about it. Maybe it would only cause more misery when they turned their backs to the orcs now. Probably it was exactly the move their enemy was hoping for and he bit on his cheek with anger. He fought himself along the troop and got inside the mountain. The amount of wounded that laid there, was extending fast. 

A shock went through him when his eye caught his mother, who was driven in a corner by three orcs. 

"Mom!" he screamed, floated by dreadful emotions. He pulled an arrow from the shaft while he ran to her. He bashed his elbow in the face of someone who was standing in his way and shot his arrows at her attackers, screaming powerlessness, but it felt like the whole army was aiming at her. 

An enormous, almost black orc was clattering towards her and nailed her with his crossbow to the wooden door. Kili shot arrows until he had no more and then stormed with a raised sword to the orc who had dared to touch his mother.

Violently he cut off his arms, until he saw another orc drawing his sword, stabbing it in her chest. Her screams echoed in his head and he lowered his sword defeated, while he watched absently how the orc pulled his sword out of his mother and ran to one of the other caretakers.

"Mom," he whispered, tears running down his cheeks. He knelt beside her, paying no attention to the orcs around them. "Mom, don't leave me."

He took her hand and tried to feel her life force, but she shook her head slowly."It's okay, Kili. My time has come."

Kili shook his head angrily. "No!" he screamed. "You can't leave me. Not you too!" He glanced ardently around to see what could help her, but blood streamed out of her wounds and they were too deep to be healed. 

Vaguely he realized the other dwarfs had closed the door and were killing the surviving orcs, but they were too late. 

Crying he looked back to his mother. She stretched her hand toward him and brushed his cheek. He saw she tried to say something, but blood welled up in her mouth when she wanted to open it. 

"Don't leave me, mom," he whispered once more. He needed her. He didn't want her to leave, leaving him behind, like his father had. Like his brother had. Like everyone he loved had.

 


	19. Emptiness - Thorin

Thorin stared at the wall of his room, that was smeared by his own blood. His knuckles throbbed, but it was nothing compared to the pain in his leg and it was even a relief compared to the sadness that burdened his heart. The first battle that was led under his name had came to a relatively good end, for they had defeated the orcs. He however wished a defeat if that would have spared the life of his sister. He knew it was a personal failure that had caused her dead. He had been distracted by Alyssae. 

Once more it had became clear that the elf was his weakness. First he had just accepted that weakness, but now he understood his enemies knew his weak spot. He was an easy pray. Everyone could march to him, pretending they had captured Alyssae. He knew he would make the same mistake. Everyone knew. 

The evaluation of the battle was just done and Vaughn had urged him to relegate Alyssae out of his life for good. He had to forget her. Now the damage had been limited, although Thorin disagreed. Precisely Dís had died. His sister. He had no family anymore, except for Kíli, who hated him even more than he had done before.   
  
Thorin looked up when someone knocked on the door. He grumbled something inaudible and the door handle went down slowly. He raised his eyebrows when he saw Aymara. 

"My brother sent me," she whispered, "to care for your wounds."

Thorin lowered himself on a chair and stared blankly at her. He didn't care if he'd bleed to death. He felt so horrible he couldn't see why he wouldn't, except that he didn't know who would take his place. His forefathers had worked hard to make Erebor flourish and he couldn't throw everything away, no matter how unhappy he felt. He had only brought misery over his family and he wanted to stop his misfortune. 

With an empty look he watched Aymara fill a dish with tepid water, where after she started to clean his leg. Grumbling he looked the other way when his wounds burnt by her touches and he had to restrain himself not to smash her to the wall. He was so angry of himself that he was able to destroy everything he could lay his hands upon, but he kept himself under control. Enough innocent lives had been wasted because of him. 

He closed his eyes, cursing in silence, when he heard Alyssae's voice in his head.  _"I am afraid of you."_

He knew others blamed her for his sudden outbursts, but that was not fair. She had only shown him his shortcomings and the more time passed by, the more painful that realization was. 

He tasted gall and clenched his fingers to fists. That was just how he was and luckily she was far away, so that he couldn't hurt her. He had to accept his own nature. A fight against himself would only wear him out, whilst there was almost nobody left to proof himself to. 

When he looked down again, he saw a large flesh-wound, that disappeared beneath Aymara's bandage quickly. 

"If you - if you need more help, just call me." She stared at the ground. "As you know, I can't do much for your sister now."

Thorin shook his head. What on earth  _could_ she do? He didn't need people who walked through his rooms. The cook and tailor were more than enough. 

"You can leave."

Aymara bowed her head, nodded and left the room. Thorin closed his eyes in exhaustion, but he knew he had to offer resistance. Dís would be buried tomorrow and much needed to be arranged. That was the only task he wasn't willing to delegate. 

 


	20. Hidden Agendas - Raphael

His footsteps hastened over the quay. He stood still before the ship and looked up. 

"You have it?" it sounded out of the darkness.

"Yeah."

Raphael peered up awaiting. Two legs appeared, where after his brother climbed down. 

He gave him the scepter, a golden staff with a crystal sphere on top. 

"Will it work?" Eldinòr wondered, his fingers discovering the golden surface. 

Raphael shrugged. He didn't care. "All that matters is that he keeps his promise." 

Eldinòr stared coldly at him. "I'll make him."

Raphael watched his shoes. He didn't know what to say. He had been reunited with his brother for two months and he didn't want to say goodbye again. He had told Melline and Alyssae that his brother had disappeared years ago and that he had believed that he was dead - which differed not much from the truth. He hadn't spoken about it because he thought he could keep a better control of his distress when he acted like he had no family. He did not know if they believed his story, but they had been satisfied with his explanation. 

"Will you join me?"

Raphael shook his head. "No. I love her."

"That wasn't supposed to happen."

He shrugged. "I've build up a life here. I'm not going to waste it all. You don't need me anymore, do you?"

Eldinòr looked shortly at him. "No."

"You're coming back, right? You promised Alyssae." 

His brother grinned and Raphael watched him with an uneasy feeling. They had spent a lot of time together and he didn't know if he trusted his brother with her. He didn't want her heart to be broken again, even though he couldn't imagine her thoughts were with anyone but the father of her unborn child. Still he knew she was disappointed by her dwarf friends, who hadn't contacted her either. She couldn't afford to lose  _another_ friend.

"Yeah. I'll come back."

Raphael inhaled in relief. It seemed that Eldinòr had cheered her up a little, for he had seen her smile once or twice and he hoped she wouldn't slide back in a deep, dark hole when he left. 

He knew Eldinòr had persuaded her to sent another letter, if only to know how the war had ended. Also this time no answer had came and secretly he was relieved that his brother would continue his traveling life in order to find out what the hell was going on in Middle Earth, so that Alyssae didn't need to feel  uncertain about  _everything._

Raphael walked back to the villa in which Melline and he lived  since the wedding, before she noticed he was gone. He noticed that he had clenched his fists. Maybe it was for the best that Thorin hadn't shown his face, for he would have told him the truth for once and for all. That man behaved very rude, even if he didn't care about Alyssae anymore. He should have had the decency to tell her so! 

He walked to the barrel and splashed water in his face. Then he stared into the mirror, wondering what would happen if it came to light that he had robbed his father-in-law.

 

 


	21. Relaxation - Aymara

Aymara looked at her brother with terrified eyes. He had taken her by surprise and pushed her to the wall. Seeking for help she had looked around, but Vaughn knew perfectly well how the pick the right moment, when no one was around. 

"A month has passed, little sister. You haven't showed up much around him."

Aymara petrified when his hands clutched around her breasts, squeezing. 

"Show him these things. They're beautiful."

"His mind is with someone else," she whispered.

She wished he took away his hands, but she knew saying anything about it wouldn't help. He had taught her so when she had been very young. 

"You have to make him forget the other, remember?" Vaughn hissed. "You are here and she's not. He has been alone for months, so it can't be that difficult to seduce him."

Aymara bowed her head. She was afraid. What would Vaughn do if she wouldn't succeed? For she knew she would fail. Why would Thorin see something in her?  
The only one who had ever cared about her, was her brother and even he used her to satisfy his own needs.

His thumbs stroked her nipples. "Go to him and do the thing you're made for." He bowed toward her. "If not, you may please me tonight and I bet you rather have lord Oakenshield, don't you?"

Aymara did not answer and stared at her feet. A relieved sigh left her lips when Vaughn walked away. With leaden steps she walked to her own room, trying to make herself as beautiful as she could. Her heart pounded tensely in her chest when she smiled to her reflection in the mirror. 

"You can do this," she whispered to herself, and she went to Thorin's rooms. Her stomach shrunk of the stress when she knocked at the door. She had no idea what to say. 

She heard a gruff growling, out of which she concluded she had the permission to go in.

Softly she opened the door and shambled inside. Thorin sat at a table and looked through some papers. She froze when his glance rested upon her. He was clearly surprised to see her and her cheeks turned red when she looked in his bright blue eyes. 

"I - I wondered how your leg feels," she whispered.

"Fine."

He looked blankly at her and she wondered if he expected her to leave again. Hesitating she took a step forward. "You look very tensed." Not only tensed. He also looked very unhappy and Aymara wished she could cheer him up. 

"Did your brother sent you?"

Ashamed she bowed her head. "Yes. He's worried about you, just like me."

"Well, there is not much you can do for me."

"I could help you relax." She was so nervous after saying these words that she almost stumbled over her words. "I could massage your muscles."

Thorin grumbled something inaudible and Aymara swallowed nervously. Still she took one more step. 

"Please," she insisted. "Let me help you."

For a moment she feared he would hit her in the face, but then he shrugged. 

Aymara considered that as a silent agreement and she opened the bag she had taken with her. "Come," she said softly and inviting. 

He glanced at her hand, but didn't move. "What do you want me to do?"

"Take place at the sofa."

He sighed, but did as she said. She untied his clothes. Her fingers trembled of nervousness when she saw his bare back. She let some drops of oil slide on her hands, spreading it over his shoulders and back. His skin became flexible easily and she started to relax his petrified muscles.  
  
Aymara had no idea if he liked it, for he said no word and only stared forward. "You like it?" she asked carefully.

"Hmm."

Aymara looked down while her fingers slid over his skin. "I do."

He turned his head aside and for the first time Aymara thought to see some emotion on his face. 

"You don't have to feel lonely." She let go of his back and watched him, even though it took a lot of effort. She stood up from the sofa and came to stand in front of him. "I know you miss her," she said. "Let me help you to reduce the pain of her absence."

Thorin looked up. She saw her king desperately wanted to hear how that was possible. "How?" he asked with a husky voice.

"Pay attention to someone else." She closed her eyes, for she had no idea how he would react. Then she dropped down her dress and her whole body was revealed.  
"Let me help you to forget her."

She wet her dry lips and watched him with growing fear. She was inclined to cross her arms before her breasts when Thorin stood up. His upper body shone because of the oil and once more she realized how beautiful he was. 

"Is this what you really want, Aymara?"

It did not escape her attention that he was not looking at her body, but at her eyes.

"Yes," she whispered and it was not a lie. "But - do you wan't me too?"

"No," he answered to her disappointment. "But maybe that's a reason to do it," he added, and then his glance went downward.  
  


 

 


	22. Part II

• Three years later •

 _In the brightest hour of my darkest day  
_ _I realized what is wrong with me  
_ _Can't get over you, can't get through to you  
_ _It's been a helter-skelter romance from the start  
_ _Take these memories that are haunting me  
_ _She'll never forgive me... I'll never forgive her..._

_Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever_

_Sitting by a fire on a lonely night_   
_Hanging over from another good time_   
_With another girl... little dirty girl_   
_You should listen to this story of a life_   
_All these booze, all these woman_   
_I'm never forgiven.. this broken heart of mine_

(Papa Roach - Forever)

 

 


	23. Holding on to Nothing - Alyssae

Alyssae sat crouched at the ground. Her hands enclosed the bars of a dark dungeon and behind that, hidden in darkness, sounded a rasping breath. The breath of a dying man. 

She knew she was the only one who could help him, but she felt powerless and she couldn't stand up to open the door. Frozen tears hung down her eye lashes, between which she stared forward helplessly, not having the strength to do anything but wait until the last breath died away.

Suddenly two bright blue eyes appeared on the other side of the bars. Something was said and she stared clumsy at him, until all hell broke loose. His screams echoed through the dungeons again. The noise sent shiver down her spine. She curled on her side, pushing her hands against her ears, trying to escape from that horrible sound.  
  
Bathing in sweat Alyssae woke up. Gasping for breath she sat upright. She stared at the closed door of her room and it took a while before she was calm enough to lit a candle. 

Alyssae wrapped her arms around herself, while tears ran down her cheeks. It had been almost four years ago that these screams had forced her on her knees, but still it had the same paralyzing effect. 

With a lot of effort she stretched her legs beside the bed and stood up shaky. Her back ached and she pressed her molars upon each other, while she shambled to the cabinet. She opened the drawer, took the object and removed the cloths. Leaning against the cabinet, she stared to the shining stone which spread its light through the room. Her fingers glided across the smooth edges and she tried to remember Thorin's smile. She couldn't. Every time she thought about him, she saw his mutilated face or his furious glance, full of hate. 

Alyssae noticed that the stone wasn't cheering her up and she put it away. For a moment she thought about Bilbo's ring, but she decided not to touch it. She had found out that object only worsened her mood. With a sigh she sunk back on the bed again. She wrapped her arms around the blankets, imagining it was him, sleeping next to her. She crouched when pain shot through her belly, as if her unborn child missed its father as well. 

"I can't go to him," she whispered, staring to the ceiling. "Not as long as you're not coming out."

Alyssae knew nobody believed the child was still alive. The healers who had examined her, found it was better to remove it. Even though none of them had ever seen a woman who bore the child of a dwarf, they were all convinced the child couldn't be alive after three years.

She didn't dare to listen to their advice, even though she was terribly limited in her daily activities. The child was all that connected her to Thorin, even though he had chosen not to see his child. Deep inside she knew the child was dead, but she didn't want the confrontation. She rather lived in uncertainties. She rather pretended the child could be born any moment, so that she would have a reason to find its father. Getting rid of the baby felt as betrayal. As if Thorin and she were embroidered on a tapestry and a razor cut it in two, tearing them apart forever. 

Raphael believed it was the only way the move on with her life, but the child was all she had hold on to. It was her only hope for a better life, in which she could feel happy. For she felt horrible, ever since Thorin cut open Fili and Thranduin sacrificed his heart to her.

Alyssae looked up when someone pounded on the door. Since the arrival of the baby was expected she lived in a separate building. It was ready for the baby. The last months she had seen only a few visitors. Only some maids who helped her with the cleaning and cooking, since every effort was too much. 

At this time however it was still dark outside and she had no idea what they wanted to do. 

"What is it?" she yelled, hopefully hard enough for them to hear. 

To her surprise it was not a maid who answered, but Raphael. "Two dwarfs have arrived!"

 


	24. Visitors - Alyssae

Alyssae put a robe over her sleeping clothes, raking a hand through her hair while stepping into her sandals. If they were the dwarfs she knew, they had seen her less proper. 

She noticed her hands were shaking as she pushed down the door handle. It wasn't him. Of course it wasn't him. Alyssae almost prayed it wasn't him, for she had no idea what to say to him.

"Where are they?" she asked as soon as her eyes met those of Raphael. 

"At the gate. You want to receive them or not?"

"Of course." 

He glanced concerned at her belly. "I will get them."

Alyssae nodded, but felt a little defeated when he turned around and left her, knowing she couldn't even cross such a small distance. She put on more lights in her home and took some food out of the closet. Whoever they would be, they would be hungry.

Alyssae cooked some water to make tea, so that she could calm down a little. It was not to the baby's benefit if she was stressed, although she couldn't change it. Impatiently she waited until there was a knock on the door again. Laborious she stood up, but she reached the door sooner than she had done before. 

On the doormat stood two exhausted dwarfs and she gasped for breath when she saw how miserable they looked. 

"Kíli!" She wrapped her arms around the dwarf and pulled him close, although her belly prevented her from a tight hug. 

"Alys." His voice was a weak whisper and she noticed he leaned heavy against her. He was dead tired. She led him to a chair and aimed her eyes at his companion. It was Dwalin.

"Princess."

He nodded toward her, but Alyssae laid her arms around him. 

"I will prepare some food."

She was slightly panting when she reached the kitchen counter and she hoped they wouldn't notice. She cut some pieces of bread and laid a thick slice of cheese upon it. The maids would make something warm later. She put two plates on the table, followed by a cup of steaming tea.

She closed her eyes in relief when she sat on the chair again and folded her hands around the cup, watching the dwarfs. Dwalin hadn't changed much, although he seemed to have lost even more hair. Kíli's face however was hollow. His eyes laid deep in their sockets, his hair hung before his face and his beard was longer and more messy than she remembered. 

"What happened?" She barely dared to breath.

Kíli didn't answer, cramming food in his mouth in silence. He was worn out. 

"It's Thorin," Dwalin said softly. "He..." 

Sighing he shook his head and Alyssae watched him in fear. "Is he dead?"

"I wish he was," Kíli grumbled. 

All color faded from her face and she glanced nervously at Dwalin, who took a large bite from the food she had served him. "He isn't himself anymore." He did not look at her. "We've escaped Erebor."

"Escaped?" she repeated breathlessly. 

Dwalin and Kíli had faced so many dangers she couldn't imagine what would force them to leave everything behind. 

Dwalin stared at his fingers. He clearly had the feeling he was a coward. "He has thrown my brother in the dungeons."

"Balin?" she asked dazed. She knew the old dwarf would never be disloyal, unless Thorin had totally stepped off the right path. "Why?"

Kíli looked at her. "Because he said your name."

Alyssae had the feeling something dark and untouchable had slipped into the room. The feeling was so strong she looked around, but there was nothing to be seen. 

"Three years ago we were attacked," Dwalin told her. "The orcs had an elf and claimed it was you, trying to draw Thorin out. The orcs slipped inside and killed his sister. Since then, you are his curse. After a few months there was a ban on your name. Everyone who said it, was thrown into the dungeons." He bashed his knife into the table top. "Even we."

 


	25. No Longer Alone - Alyssae

Although various questions burnt on her lips, she kept herself in control. The dwarfs were so exhausted she showed them her bed, so that they could rest. She closed the door as soon as they had fallen on the matrass and sat down at the table. She supported her head with her hands and stared despondently forward. She could barely comprehend the message she had just received. Thorin had, more or less, changed into a monster. 

"What should we do now?" she whispered, spreading her fingers across her belly. The last thing she wanted, was telling her child that its father had gone mad. If there would ever be a child to talk to... Maybe the child had felt the madness of its father and had chosen not to visit this world.   
  
Only by nightfall Dwalin and Kili awoke. Alyssae insisted they cleaned themselves in the bathtub in the adjacent room. All this time Alyssae sat at the table, ripped apart by doubts. She hated her life as it was now, for she could do nothing and was only waiting. Waiting and waiting, while it was maybe in vain. Still she lacked the courage to let the child be removed. 

"How are the others?" Alyssae asked when the dwarfs came back.  

"Bombur and Bofur already left last year. We haven't heard a word from them since." Kili stared at his fingers. "That was not very encouraging for the others."

Alyssae watched him with a worried face and then sighed. "I don't understand. What changed Thorin so much?"

Kili shrugged. "He barely looked at us since the moment he ascended his throne. He surely felt ashamed and only talked to other dwarfs. And to be honest - I don't trust all of them. I dare to state Balin has said something about his counselor, after which they put him in jail."

"And now? Do I have to go to him and talk with him?"

Kili shook his head steadfast. "No. Save yourself the pain. It's too late." He bit on his lip and Alyssae felt a twinge when she saw his pitiful look. "He has someone else, Alys. I'm sorry."

Although Alyssae had been afraid of that, the tears jumped in her eyes. She knew he had never been in love before he met her and it hurt that he had replaced her so easily. 

"I don't think he loves her," Kili said carefully, "but he's not sleeping alone."

The thought of someone else keeping Thorin's bed warm seemed to cause the first contractions. She shrunk. 

The dwarfs however seemed to be surprised by her reaction. "But you have someone else as well, don't you? Congratulations."

A tiny smile was visible on his face, but it disappeared when she shook her head. "No. It - it's his."  
She stared at the ground and a tear slipped through her eyelashes. "The healers think it's no longer alive, but I don't want them to remove it. It was - it was the only thing that kept me alive."  
She felt ashamed of her words. She felt weak for willing to end her life. It wasn't because of Thranduin's and Fili's deaths, nor because she was so far away from Thorin. She just had the feeling no one understood her and she couldn't enjoy the things around her any more. Every day she woke up with a sigh, wondering how she would go through this day, knowing that melancholic feeling wouldn't go away. 

"I am so glad you are here," Alyssae whispered when she felt two arms around her. "It feels like I have retrieved a piece of myself." She wiped her cheeks and leaned against Kili. "I have sent him a letter right after you left." 

He brushed her hair. "He hasn't received it, Alys. I don't dare to state that he would care if he heard the message today, but back then... he would have left everything behind to be with you and your child. That's one thing I do know."

"I have sent more than one letter," Alyssae mumbled. "I even sent  _you_ a letter." 

Kili was silent for a moment, before she heard his grim voice next to her ear. "Vaughn."

 

 


	26. A Big Decision - Alyssae

When the dwarfs told her about the atmosphere ruling Erebor and the unknown dwarf who only whispered malevolent words to Thorin, Alyssae took a hard decision. She didn't want to wait any longer. She wanted to do something. In her head a plan formed, although there was one thing in her way. Her enormous belly. 

She didn't even need to talk about it with the dwarfs. Only by their appearance they had called up the longing to go into the woods again to enjoy life - or at least to try it. She couldn't do so here, within the four walls of her home.  She sent out the maids to get a healer and requested the two dwarfs to leave her house as well. She didn't want anyone near when her lifeless child would be helped into this world. The thought hurt, but it was a necessity. Nobody became happier when she carried around a dead child. And if it did live... Alyssae did not know what that would mean. Then she would have to wait to travel to Erebor and she suspected the things would only become more complicated. But that was something to worry about later. 

* * *

"Are you sure?" Ulmèra had taken place on the edge of the bed. "You had such a strong opinion."

"I understand there will be no natural birth."

Ulmèra nodded. "I - eh - I think we both know that -"

"Just do it," Alyssae interrupted her. Despite her determination the tears stung in her eyes. A part of Thorin had lived four years within her and now she would end it. She did not know whether she had to consider it as a liberation or a lack and she felt relieved when the elf told her she could drink something which would turn down her mind, so that she would feel no pain. The elf gave her a brew, which she drank in silence. Then she closed her eyes and was sagged in a strange, colorful world in which she sauntered around pointless, without being able to see herself when she looked down. It felt like her spirit floated over the fields and waters. As if she was dead. 

* * *

The first thing that penetrated her mind, was an icy scream. At first she thought it belonged to the drowsing dream world she had entered, but the noise became harder and harder and in the end she opened her eyes. She touched for her belly, but her child was gone. There was still a cut in her  skin and it pounded. Her eyes flashed through the room. Ulmère stood against the door. With eyes grown by repulsion she stared at the ground. 

Softly moaning Alyssae came upright.

"She bit me!" Ulmère didn't take away her eyes from the ground. "That monster bit me!"

After hearing those words, Alyssae was overwhelmed by both anger and joy. She had a daughter.  _But nobody called her newborn child a monster!_

"What's going on?" Her voice sounded stronger than she felt. 

"Look for yourself." The woman didn't take away her glance, as if she was afraid that something would tore her in pieces. 

With effort Alyssae leaned forward. Her mouth dropped open when she saw the creature, which had absolute not the seize of a baby. 

She sat on the ground, had a pale skin and when she looked up to see her mother, a shiver crept down her spine. She had no irises. They were just as white as the rest of her eye, and that was not the only thing that took her breath away. She had white, bat-like wings that softly clacked in an invisible wind. 

"This creature is wicked," sounded the condemnatory voice of Ulmèra. She looked Alyssae right in the eye and rage flared up again when she understood the look in her eyes. 

"If you show your discontent about my daughter once more, you will be expelled from this society."

The elf said nothing, turned around and left the house, leaving Alyssae  on her bed. She felt weak. The wound in her belly was not stitched and with a tired face she stretched her arm to the strange girl who watched her with intelligent eyes. She tilted her head for a moment, but then lost her interest and watched the room.


	27. Hollow - Aymara

A tear ran down her face. His hips banged against her behind and she felt a burning pain between her legs. His hands grabbed her breasts, his nails cutting into her skin. She heard him growl and the smell of alcohol surrounding him tickled her nostrils. 

A whimper escaped her lips and she held her breath in fear. When he would see her crying, he would become angry again. She closed her eyes and tried to think about something else, but there were no heartening memories. She had the feeling to go blinded through life, again and again visiting places that were even worse than where she came from. 

In the beginning she had seized to the hope for a better existence. She had even thought she loved him. That she was  _in love_ with him. Those days they had talked a lot, but after some weeks he told her less and less, and in the end he just pushed her on the bed, only to satisfy his own needs. He never looked at her when they had sex and deep down she knew why. He did not love her. She was only a means to push away the thoughts of the elf and it seemed to work. 

Aymara felt empty. She was nothing but a toy. Nobody cared about her feelings. She knew it was her own fault, for she had offered herself to him. She had chosen to serve her king this way and she didn't dare to withdraw. 

Aymara was pulled out of her thoughts when he hit her so deep her whole belly burned - and not of pleasure. His moaning was so loud it seemed as if he tried to overwhelm her pain and she shrunk.   
  
Finally he let go of her. Roughly he pushed her away, not paying attention to her when she fell on the floor. There she kept lying, staring to the ceiling. Her sight was troubled by tears. Did she really think he would ever love her? Nobody loved her. She was weak. Weak because she settled for this life, not trying to achieve anything - except for the love of a man she was hating.  
  
She curled up on her side and waited until the pain would drain away. From Thorin's breathing she concluded that he had fallen asleep and she wished she could do the same, so that she could escape that hollow feeling for a moment. Would he feel the same? Or was she really helping him? Or was it the bottle next to his bed that got him through his problems? 

If he hadn't been her king, she would have taken the bottle to drink it up herself - something she couldn't do now. She could do nothing, except waiting until he needed to spill his seed again. 

A bitter taste appeared in her mouth. Would it be conspicuous that she didn't get pregnant?  Or didn't he care? Didn't he want a child? She guessed not - not from her...

Already at a young age she had discovered that the juice of the grapefruit prevented a pregnancy. Vaughn had forced her to use it, for he wanted no child from her and neither did she.   
Her body might not be hers anymore, but if there would grow something inside, she wanted it to be her own choice. She wanted it to be a love baby - which she would never get from Thorin. She would probably never get one at all, for who was she after all? She wasn't even a dwarf in the eyes of the men around her. She was just... an object.

 


	28. A Temporary Home - Kili

"Niamh," Kili repeated. His eyes followed the strange girl that strolled through the room. "A beautiful name." 

The whole situation confused him. Suddenly he had a niece. Not a sweet little baby, but a little kid with wings and pallid eyes, who had already chased away the first elf.   
It was Thorin's child he was looking at now. It was hard to imagine, for he saw no similarities with his uncle, except his talent to scare away other people.

"I had expected the child to be a little strange," Dwalin mumbled. "But  _this ...'"_

"This isn't because of Thorin and me," Alyssae answered. She sat against the wall with a pillow in her back. "This is Thranduil's ..." She did not finish her sentence and watched her daughter. She luckily didn't call it a curse any longer. 

Kili stood up and knelt down before the girl. One of Alyssae's maids had washed her and she had a beautiful face now. Her white hair was still wet. A little hypnotized he looked into her white eyes. 

"I am hungry."

A surprised frown appeared between his eyebrows and he looked over his shoulder to Alyssae, whose eyes had grown by bewilderment. She could even talk. 

"Then come, let's find some food." He offered his hand, which she studied intensely, as if she didn't know what to do with it. He petted her hair and pushed her softly against her head, so that she went with him. 

While Kili took her to the kitchen and looked for something edible, his thoughts wandered to Thorin. How would his uncle react? He really didn't know. He didn't recognize the man he had been. His first brainwave was that he would lock up the little girl, but he hoped there would still be a spark of humanity deep down inside him. 

He found the bread he had eaten from yesterday and gave it to the kid, who gobbled all of it. Something stirred inside of him, as if this proved that she was really partially dwarf. A smile appeared on his face.

* * *

Days went by. Kili couldn't say he felt home among the elves, but it wasn't worse than he had felt in Erebor the last months. Still this place called op distress. Sometimes his eye caught a red-haired elf, and in a moment he believed it was Tauriel. Once he had even grabbed such an elf by the arm, but when he had seen the face he had backed down immediately. 

Although the elves had offered them a place of their own, Alyssae wanted them near and secretly Kili enjoyed that. It felt a bit like the old times.

The birth of Niamh had caused a shock in the community. He knew there were whispers that the girl was a diabolic monster, and that it did them no good to accept such a creature, but the words weren't expressed anywhere near Alyssae. He noticed that some elves watched them with suspicion too, as if Dwalin and he could call up winged creatures whenever they liked. 

The best of everything however was the return of Alyssae's smile. After a few days she had already been a little her old self. She could move freely and Niamh filled her heart with joy. 

* * *

Kili sat on a table next to Raphael. He had already met the elf when he had brought Alyssae here and they could get along well. They were invited by Alyssae's parents. Kili had expected that they would ask what their plans were, but they did not. They were welcome for as long as they wished. 

Kili had no idea how long that would be. He couldn't stay here forever. It was a relief to have escaped his home town for a moment, but he had his obligations towards Erebor. He could not stay away forever, although that did not mean that he would return soon. Not as long as they hadn't came up with a plan to invade Thorin's mind and actually none of them had a real plan. 

"A letter came for you, Alyssae."

Kili raised his eyebrows and when he saw Alyssae's face, he knew she hoped it was written by Thorin. And despite all the rage he felt, he hoped it too. Although he knew, deep inside, it wasn't from him. 

She broke the seal and rolled out the parchment. Her eyes flew over the lines and gradually all color faded from her face. 

Dwalin however asked the question before he could. "What's in it?"

"It- it's a proposal."

 

 

 

 

 

 


	29. The Proposal - Alyssae

Alyssae had the feeling her lungs collapsed. Spots danced before her eyes and she only noticed her hands were trembling when Kili took them. 

"From who, Alys?"

She could not say a single word, so disconcerted was she. She had rather expected a proposal from Thorin than from  _him._ He was the last man on earth whom she wanted to marry. She rather brought Azog back to life to let him push a ring around a finger than  _him._

"Are you okay?" Raphael asked worried when he understood she couldn't even get his name over her lips. 

Alyssae stared at her hands. No, she was not okay. She couldn't breathe and she would choke - which was the most attractive solution for all of this. 

"Is it from the dwarf?" her father wanted to know. 

Alyssae opened her mouth and closed it again. She wanted to scream to free the rage inside her, but she couldn't produce any sound.

"Come on," Kíli said softly, squeezing her hand. "Whoever it is, you don't need to marry him if you don't want to."

A bitter taste filled her mouth. She knew him. He wouldn't be satisfied with a rejection. He knew damn well she rather cut his throat than that she would even say a friendly word to him, so a rejection would have enormous consequences. 

What would he do? Take her child from her? March to Erebor? Invade Chyndall and hang the bodies of her family-members at the gates? 

She shuddered, pushing her sweaty hands between her knees. She stared at the words on the parchment again, that seemed to perform an evil dance. 

_"I want you to become my wife."_

It was no request. It was just an... announcement.

Her vision became unclear and it felt like she was back in Mirkwood. The music swirled through her thoughts and she saw Thorin's face. His sparkling eyes met hers and his lips formed a sweet smile. Lips that came closer and closer. Lips that almost kissed her, until an ice cold voice separated them.  

"I think it's better if I take it from here."

She bit on her knuckles when she received a flash of the dungeons, in which Thorin was lying lifelessly on the ground. His face swollen and battered. His clothes in pieces at the ground. Skin covered with dark red welts and gaping wounds.

What would happen when she did not grant his request? Would Kíli and Dwalin look that way within a few days? Or Raphael and Melline? Her parents? She knew he was capable of doing so.   
But what would happen to her if she agreed? Would she have to sit around the table with him? Would she have to sleep with him? Why would he want that? He undoubtedly found it pleasant to see her tears, but why would he punish himself with her presence, knowing she hated him from the bottom of her soul? What advantage did he thought to receive? 

Her thoughts wondered to Niamh, who was playing in the corner of the room. Did he knew what effect his curse had had? Did he just want to take her child from her, or did he needed her for something else?

"Alys!" Kíli's compelling voice woke her from her thoughts again. He tried to pull the parchment out of her hands.  "Who?"

She bowed her head and whispered: "Thranduil."

 

 

 


	30. Being Lectured - Thorin

Coins slipped through his fingers and tapped on the bed of gold. His feet were covered in glittering objects, which all seemed willing to intimidate him with their beauty.

Thorin felt comfortable in this room, where nobody bothered him. His grandfather had spent much time here, enjoying all the splendor that was given to them. Thorin had decided to replicate the treasure. It made him calm, for he knew his forefathers had done it as well. He couldn't disappoint them as long as he did the same things they had done. 

Finally he had found back himself. The elf had driven a wedge between his family and him. He had made a fool of himself by being prepared to share his kingdom with an elf. His father and grandfather must have been afraid that all they had assembled during their reign would disappear due to an elf, but that time was over now. She was no longer in his life. Thanks to her he had lost Fíli and his sister had died. None of these things would have happened if they had left her in the dungeons and he cursed the day they went inside the Misty Mountains and freed her. When she had died between the steel bars she wouldn't have caused them so much pain. 

Thorin looked up in disturbance when a door opened. 

"You should go outside for once."

"No," he grumbled.

He didn't want to go outside, where a dark magic roamed. He knew the open air made him weak. He wanted to see no forests and no lakes, for it felt like she had put a spell on all of them, only to annoy and debilitate him. He was just glad he was redeemed from that. He hadn't left the gates for more than two years and since that time he felt much better than he had done since a long time.

"You are hiding." Her voice sounded cynical, making him think of Alyssae. He clenched his fists and gave her an ominous look. "Shut up. Or do you prefer to go to the dungeons?"

"You can't lock up everyone," she smiled coyly. "And especially not your first commander."

He clenched his teeth, trying to remember how a woman like her had became a commander. He felt the need to sentence her to dead, for her obstinate behavior made him think of the elf and he did not want to think about her. That time was over.

"You're reaching the limit, Iorwen," he warned her. 

She didn't seem to be impressed by his words, which made him feel angry. 

"You've gone beyond my limit more than once. If you don't respect your citizens, you can't expect them to treat you with respect. You have to go outside, Thorin." She sighed. "I'm not here to torment you. We just don't need a king who doesn't dare to go outside anymore."

Thorin took a deep breath, snatched a golden sculpture from the ground and smashed it to her. She dived aside just in time. "Don't tell me what to do!"

"Well, someone has to do it, right?!" she snarled. "The rest of us secretly hopes you will choke in your gold, but I believe that somewhere deep inside you there  is still the capability to lead a kingdom!" Her eyes were sparkling with anger. "But you have to  _show_ it soon, or you'll lose my support too!"

She turned around and slammed the door behind her. Thorin felt so much anger he wanted to bombard the door with everything he could lay his fingers upon, but in the end he only dropped down on the ground and stared with a grim face in the distance. He was not afraid.   
He just didn't like to be outside.

 

 


	31. Plans - Alyssae

Alyssae startled when her father banged his fist on the table. "How does he dare!" His furious glance met hers. "Don't you even dare to consider it!"

"But -"

"No, Alyssae," he spoke confidently. "You will not sacrifice your happiness for him. He brought you more than enough misery." 

His eyes wandered to Niamh and Alyssae felt a pang in her stomach.

"You'll write him a letter immediately, saying you belong to someone else and that he already blessed you with a child."

"But what if he will come?" Alyssae whispered. "If he -"

"I know Thranduil for a very long time, Alyssae. He will not cross his borders for you. He hasn't traveled that far since the fall of the dark lord."

Alyssae took some deep breaths, but nodded. She could not set aside the feeling that he would play some shabby game to get her in his hands, but she did not want to live in fear. There were other things she had to do. She had to make a plan to lure Thorin out of his mountain, so that she could make him come to his senses. Kíli and Dwalin had to return with him to Erebor. And maybe - maybe she could join him. 

* * *

Days later Alyssae sat with the two dwarfs around the table. Niamh had gone outside and Alyssae thought it was wonderful that she was already so independent, for she did not really had the time to take care for a baby. It seemed like Niamh became more mature with every day that passed by. Maybe it should worry her, but there were already so many things on her mind, and so she let Niamh wander through the city, knowing the other villagers would keep an eye on her. She could not use her wings yet, so she wouldn't fly away.  
  
A little nervously she looked at Dwalin and Kíli, eager to hear their reaction now she had revealed her plan.

Dwalin's eyes were shining, but Kíli watched her with bewilderment. "You want to  _abduct_ him?"

"It is clear that he has to leave Erebor, away from everyone who whispers lies in his ear."

Kíli supported his jaw with his fist and sighed. "How do you want to get him outside? He never leaves the mountain."

"You are his only family," Alyssae answered. "You have to tell him you want to talk. Alone."

"What should I say?" Kíli grumbled. "I don't want to see him."

"You don't need to. We'll anchor in Lake Town and I'll make sure elves take him by surprise."

"We will anchor in Lake Town?" he repeated. "And with what, if I may ask?"

A smile played around her lips. "Leave that to me."

Dwalin chuckled. "I think it's a great plan."

An excited blush colored her cheeks. She knew this wouldn't be easy, but she could not deny that it was a wonderful prospect to let him be overpowered.

"I hope you know what you're doing," Kíli mumbled. "The Thorin you once knew, doesn't exist anymore."

Alyssae played with her hair. "I think he does. Somewhere, deep hidden. And I will bring him back to the surface."

They were startled when someone bounced on the door. Alyssae went for the door, but it already swung open. Raphael stood in the doorway, his hands covered in blood. The look in his eyes was wild and his arms were trembling. 

"What happened?" she asked in fear. 

He opened his mouth, but not many words left his lips. Still a defeated whisper reached her ears. 

"Niamh..."

 

 


	32. Natural - Alyssae

The walls seemed to close her in. Would it ever stop? Was one moment of luck too much to ask?  
She grabbed her sword that hung next to the door and buckled it around. "The one who touched her, better starts praying I'll never find him."

She knew the villagers found Niamh a strange creature, but that was no reason to - to ...  
Ferociously she shook her head. Welcoming all the aggression that showed itself, was the only way to keep her head above the water. When she would allow a single tear, her world would collapse and she wouldn't even be able to reach the threshold.

To her dismay Raphael said nothing. He only stepped aside to let her through. Dwalin and Kíli hastened after her. 

"Is she dead?" she grumbled to Raphael, irritated because he did not say a word and only stood next to the door stupidly. 

He moved his head slowly from left to right and Alyssae had to restrain herself not to push her sword against his throat. Maybe she was insane. Maybe none of this was really happening. This couldn't be true. She couldn't lose her only child, that had left her womb only a few days ago.

* * *

Alyssae did not need Raphael's help to find out what had happened. A large crowd had assembled at the square, but they stepped aside when their eye caught her. Her toes arched of nervousness, but she didn't let her shoulders slump. Would the killer still be here? Did he want to see her face? Was this Thranduil's revenge? If that was true, he would feel the rage of a mother. She would find him and slam a sword through his chest.

Her wrath however turned into confusion when she saw three bodies that were lying on the ground. They were no full-grown elves and the stones upon which they laid, were stained in blood. Their eyes stared at the sky and some of their limbs were torn off their bodies.   
Alyssae got ice cold when she felt the looks of the bystanders. The parents of these children could be around and they clearly believed she was guilty. That could only mean one thing, but that presumption was way over her head. She looked at Raphael. "Where is Niamh?"

"I brought her to the cells." He didn't look at her, but stared at his bloody hands.

"Is that her blood?"

"No."

Alyssae did not ask whose blood it was; that of himself or of the young elves. With shaking legs she turned around an walked to the cells. She placed her trembling hands on the balustrade. For a moment she looked over her shoulder, but the dwarfs and Raphael had left her alone. 

* * *

Bent she sat before the only cell that was filled. "Niamh?" she asked softly. 

She heard some shambling and saw her little girl. Her pale skin was covered with blood, her eyes were fixed at a spot she could not define. 

She didn't want to accuse her, but she could scream of frustration. Was the child irresponsible? Or did she know damn well what she had done? Was this even her child? Or had Thranduil created something dark, something that surpassed her darkest nightmares? She didn't know and she couldn't think of anyone who could give her an answer. 

"You can't do this, Niamh," she said softly in the end. "You can't kill the other elves. Why - why did you do that?"

Niamh looked her right in the eyes. "Why do I breath? Why do I walk? This - this was just as natural."

Her voice was not colored by remorse or despair. It had a calm tone, causing goose bumps. She intertwined her fingers. 

"That is unusual."

"I  _am_ unusual," Niamh mumbled and she turned her face away. "You think I don't know that?"

Alyssae sighed. There was no use in denying it. A tear slipped down her face, for she suddenly realized what they would do to her daughter - even if it was a royal child. They would execute her, for the safety of their society. 

 

 

 


	33. Darkness - Thorin

"I think it would be wise if you go to the court sober for once."

An angry frown marked Thorin's face. A few days ago he was attacked by two dwarfs who lived in dissatisfaction with his regime. Since then the Council believed that it was better if he was continuously guarded. In the first place they wanted him to be surrounded by five dwarfs, but he had not agreed and in the end he had accepted one guard. 

Iorwen. Iorwen was wonderful with her weapons, but he wished that was all she did, for she always had to criticize every move he made. Sometimes he could barely suppress the longing to drag  _her_  to the court. 

As an answer he  took one of the glasses of wine that was offered to him when he went inside. "There's no need to."

He sat on his throne and brought the glass to his lips, while his guard stood behind him. His eyes were aimed at a young dwarf who sat in the middle of the room. He was the one that would be condemned.

"Greth, son of Tron, you are accused of theft from the royal treasure-chamber," Vaughn started, who sat at a chair next to him. "Caught red-handed by me. You owe king Thorin an explanation."

Greth did not answer, but his face was full of contempt. 

"I know very well what our Greth wanted to do," Thorin grumbled. By the hearing of his voice, the buzzing silenced. "You wanted to desert, didn't you? You wanted to escape Erebor, as so many of the youngsters have done."

Like his own nephew had done. 

Greth did not answer, but stared forward angrily. 

"When His majesty is not willing to give his pardon, the suspect will be punished - until death follows."

Only now the expression at the face of the young man changed. His indifference changed into fear, causing an arrogant smile on Thorin's face.

"It were just some coins," he protested with eyes full of terror. "I just wanted to return to my family!"

"You can't. You swore to serve your king," sounded the obstinate answer of Vaughn.

To his annoyance he noticed his glass was empty again and he raised his glass to his servant. He felt gloomy today, without any apparent reason. Fortunately he knew damn well what would make that feeling go away. 

"Kill him," Thorin grumbled. This whole spectacle started to bore him. He looked roughly aside when he felt Iorwen's hand on his shoulder. 

"Is this really necessary, my king?"

"Yes!" he hummed, not knowing why he would have to justify his deeds. "Otherwise everyone thinks they can steal from me without any consequences!" An evil smile played around his lips. "Even more, Iorwen, I want my guard to do the execution."

Maybe that would prevent her from announcing her useless opinion in the future. 

"I am not commissioned to do so."

The dark glance in her eyes might have scared someone else, but he could only laugh about it. He wondered how it would be if she visited his rooms. He would love to force her on her knees to do her. He imagined how his hands rested on her hips, while he thrust inside her while she begged him to stop. Maybe she would finally realized who must be obeyed. 

"Hereby you are."


	34. Not a Slave - Iorwen

The arrogant look in his eyes almost made her cut off his ear, but she kept looking impassively at him. "Because you say so."

After all, she had no choice. When she would refuse, she would not save the young idiot and not only his head would roll. 

Iorwen understood why Greth had wanted to flee the kingdom, for spectacles like these had became a regularity. He however should have known the treasures were guarded very well and that wretches like Vaughn were waiting to catch a reckless dwarf. 

She didn't need to ask whether he wanted it to happen here and now. Thorin loved to see the floors of his city bathing it the blood of his own people. 

Without blinking an eye she stepped forward. She grabbed the young dwarf at his upper arm, raised her sword and cut off his head before she could even feel guilty. She refused to let the guilt claim her. She had not given the order. The blood was not sticking on her hands and she didn't need to justify this insane decision in front of the gods. 

Iorwen restrained the longing to kick the head to Thorin. Not because she feared his reaction, but because it was impudent in front of the family of the dwarf, who could be watching. 

"Whereto do I need to escort you,  _Your Majesty?"_  

"To my rooms."

Iorwen shrugged indifferently and walked with him. If he would continue this way, he would only get more enemies. It wouldn't take long before he could go nowhere on his own. 

As soon as he had opened the door she turned around, but he grabbed her wrist. "Not so quick, Iorwen."

With a surprising strong hand he dragged her into the room. Her glance went around. Everywhere were empty bottles and she felt pity for this man. Once again she remembered why she kept defending him: he was an embittered man with an empty existence, who could not find joy since his love had left him. Actually it was just pity that touched her. 

"I want you to undress yourself." He spoke with a double tongue and a sharp scent of wine made her step back. 

"I am your guard, not your whore."

"Aymara is cleaning the floor." He grinned, almost maniacally. "And you are here."

"Then you will have to wait until she returns."

His facial expression changed. His cheeks turned red and before she could blink an eye, he smashed an empty bottle towards her. He missed target and Iorwen watched him with a shaking head. 

"Do as I say."

"Has it ever crossed you mind that I might not be  _willing_ to undress myself?" she answered calmly. 

"I don't care. I am your king, you will obey."

Iorwen couldn't help she had to laugh, even though the situation was anything but pleasant. "If you don't behave as a king, I don't see why I should behave as a servant. That I still serve you, does not mean that I am your possession. I am not a slave, Thorin Oakenshield." She gave him a penetrating look. "Contrary to you."

"To me?" he repeated. His lower lip quivered in anger. 

"You are not only a slave of your bottles, but you are also a slave of your own distress." She stretched her hand to the door handle. "And to be honest, I think I am one of the few who wants you to become the old Thorin who is not a vengeful man with a broken heart. Who is not a king who needs to oppress his own people so that he is not the only one feeling miserable." 

 

 

 


	35. Where to Go - Alyssae

"You know they would banish everyone else for this, right?" her father sighed while they descended to the dungeons. 

"No one else has a daughter who is cursed by Thranduil," Alyssae grumbled. "Niamh doesn't have to die because that son of a -"

"Calm down, Alyssae. Save your anger for the moment you will see him again."

His words surprised her. It was not in their nature to seek for vengeance, but when she saw his petrified face, she remembered he cared just as much about Niamh as she did. 

"The day will come that I will have my revenge," she grumbled, although she could think of nothing that would compensate all the horror he had put her through. 

Her father opened the door of the cell. Alyssae stepped inside and lifted Niamh from the ground. The girl watched them in silence, then she wrapped her arms around Alyssae's neck and pressed her face against her shoulder. 

A moment later they reached the square. The moonlight shone upon Niamh's white hair, so that it looked like silver. Alyssae kissed the head of her little girl while she moved forward, without looking around. She slipped into the woods and took her child to a tower. In ancient times it had been a watch tower, but now it was covered by plants and high trees took away the sight at it.

She stepped into the musty-smelling building and lowered on the ground. Holding Niamh in her arms, she knew she couldn't stay here forever. She had been in the wildernis long enough not to miss her bed if that meant she could be with her daughter, but tomorrow she had to return to the community. She knew her father would prohibit a hunt for Niamh, but it would happen anyway. There were grudging parents who had lost their child thanks to Niamh. She had to take her child far away from here, but what place was safe enough? The child had developed in such a way that it was too late to control her blood thirst. It did not fit within her standards.   
  
Through the window she looked outside, to the dark sky. What would Thorin do? The Thorin she had known? The Thorin she loved? She didn't know. Niamh was a danger to the people around her and the people around her were a danger to her, but she didn't want her child to die. 

She however had the feeling she had to choose between Thorin and Niamh. Both seemed helplessly lost. They followed a path in a world she didn't belong, but still she wanted to free Thorin from his anger and numbness. It was however impossible to take Niamh with her during the journey. She could attack the crew or fly away! 

Alyssae felt ashamed, but she didn't know her child well enough to judge what she would do. She couldn't take the risk that she would murder one of her friends. She glanced at the pale face that rested against her breast. She looked so innocent Alyssae could barely believe she had killed three elves. A tear dripped down her cheek, while she looked at the moon again. 

"Thorin," she whispered. "What should I do?" 

* * *

The next day begun. Alyssae hadn't slept for a moment and was relieved when Niamh freed herself from her arms. 

"Where are we?" she asked in a soft voice. 

"Outside Chyndall." She took a deep breath. "You can't go back. I don't know where we will go yet." For a moment she closed her eyes. "Before all this happened, I wanted to go to your father. He - he does not know you are born."

Niamh looked at her intensively. "Where is dad?"

"Far away."

"Is he an elf?"

"A dwarf," she answered. 

Her eyes gleamed of curiosity. "Is that the reason I'm so different?"

Hesitating she nodded. The last thing she wanted, was telling her daughter that she was cursed. 

"Why is dad not here? Doesn't he love you anymore?"

Alyssae looked away, biting her lip. "I don't know."

She found it hard to have this conversation with her daughter. On the one hand she really behaved as an adult, but she was still three years old - even younger, when counting since her birth. She needed a father and a mother.

"I bet he doesn't want to see me." Niamh stared at her feet.  "Everyone hates me. That's why I can't go back."

A tear slipped down her cheek and Alyssae took her girl in her arms again. "They just don't understand you, Niamh. You father will. You are his child."

Niamh looked up. "Perhaps he doesn't  want a child."

"Of course he will," she hushed, pressing another kiss in her soft hair. Although she knew deep inside that Niamh's doubts were not inferior to hers.


	36. Vanished - Alyssae

When Alyssae returned to her hometown, she hadn't found a solution. Still she had sent Eldinòr a letter, letting him know she was ready to leave. She had no idea if his offer still stood; he had probably forgotten her. Sending a letter however was the least she could do. She might not know him very well, but good enough to suspect he would be interested in kidnapping a dwarf king. After all, that was what pirates did, right?

She hoped he knew a place where she could hide Niamh as well. She expected him to be familiar with places that are unknown to most creatures and actually he was her last hope. If he dared to take her daughter on the ship at all...

"Where is Niamh now?" Kíli asked when she entered her home. He was playing cards at the table with Dwalin. From their faces she concluded that they had been here long enough as well. Alyssae hadn't felt home ever since she had returned, but that feeling must be much stronger for the dwarfs. 

"I brought her to a tower nearby," she told. "She has to stay there until we can leave."

"And then?" Dwalin wanted to know. 

"Then I hope to find a place where I can hide her, until I can bring her to Thorin."

"Good plan. Maybe she can eat him," Kíli suggested. 

Her eyes flashed aside but their was not even a little bit of humor on his face. She said nothing, but his comment was anything but funny. 

"I want you to come with me to Niamh. When she gets used to you, the chance is little she will attack you."

The dwarfs agreed and she took  a deep breath in relief, although she hadn't expected Dwalin and Kili to be scared of Niamh. First of all they were family - although far away in Dwalin's case - and furthermore they had seen worse than this. 

"And if not we will keep her away," Dwalin answered. "We are no elvish sissies."

He grinned to show his words weren't meant as an insult, but she knew how he was. 

* * *

  
At the end of the day they reached the tower. Alyssae went inside first, but petrified when the room was empty. It felt like her organs were withering. Anxiously she bit on her lip. "She's not there," she whispered to Kíli and Dwalin. 

After those words they separated to explore the surroundings, but when night fell, they all returned with empty hands. 

"It looks like she has vanished."

Alyssae wrapped her arms around her upper body, feeling like the ground disappeared beneath her feet. What kind of mother was she that she lost her own child? 

"She will return, Alys. We'll just wait."

Kíli grabbed her wrist and dragged her to the fortification. In silence Alyssae stared at the exit, the hours crawling by. Dwalin fell asleep, with his head against her shoulder, and in the end Kíli's head bent forward as well. Alyssae however stared at the entrance with concentration, fruitlessly hoping her little girl could would appear.

 

 

 


	37. On The Way - Alyssae

Alyssae stared at the water that splashed against the bow. She did not look at her kingdom, that disappeared slowly from sight, nor to the dark woods that surrounded them and in which Niamh would stay behind. 

With all man power they had searched for the girl, but after a week the search was called off. Niamh was gone. Raphael and Melline had promised to keep looking, but Alyssae had lost all hope. She could not help to wish she had put an end to the life of her child. The emptiness would still be inside her, but she wouldn't be ripped apart by doubts. Now she had not the slightest idea where Niamh was. Was she dead? Had she left by herself? Had somebody captured her? Was this Thranduil's reaction to her rejection?

Death might be the alternative most people wanted to avoid, but Niamh could be in a worse situation now, possibly in the hands of creatures intrigued by her powers, who wanted to use her for their own purposes. 

She felt ashamed for ending the search so quickly, of getting on this ship as soon as she could. And for what? For a man who hated her? She couldn't say she looked forward to see Thorin again. According to Kíli and Dwalin, he wouldn't receive her with arms open wide. 

"Take this." Eldinòr stood beside her and offered her a bottle. 

Alyssae shook her head. Niamh had already one parent who was a slave to his bottles and she didn't want to make the same mistake. 

"You'll see her again." He wrapped an arm around her. Alyssae had felt so miserable that she had ran to his arms as soon as he had stepped on land, of which she felt ashamed now. She had only cried, while Kíli and Dwalin had told the elf what had happened. "Such an extraordinary appearance as your daughter well surely pop up. We'll find her."

These words only strengthened Alyssae's guilt. Apparently he had been receptive for taking Niamh aboard, but she had judged too quickly and now Niamh was gone. 

"You want to go straight to Laketown?"

Alyssae shook her head. "No, if you don't mind, I would like to visit a friend first. I owe him much."

"Where does he live?"

"Do you have a map?"

"A captain without a map wouldn't come far, hmm?" He took her to the wheel-house and bowed over a table on which a map was spread. 

Alyssae looked at the map. With her fingertip she followed the course of the Anduin until she reached Mirkwood. "Here."

"You hear what the princess is saying?"

The coxswain turned around and grinned. "I do hear her." He bowed over the map and watched the spot she was aiming at. "Fine."

Alyssae watched the man. He wore a long coat that hung open, under which the skin of his upper body was visible. He had the same tattoo as Eldinòr on his chest. 

"I believe I haven't even introduced myself. I'm Philae." He shook her hand. 

"Alyssae."

He turned around, moving the wheel a little to the left. His dark hair was shining in the sun, and it even seemed to have a purple glow. 

"I will show you your cabin."

She did not answer and follwed Eldinòr over the wooden planks, until he stood still before a small cabin. She hadn't thought about sleeping apart from the others, but she was glad she did. 

"The dwarfs however will have to sleep with the other men."

"I foresee no trouble." Alyssae walked inside, looking around hesitating. There was a bed and a small table. The walls were empty, although she could she the traces of things that had once hung there. "This is your room, isn't it?" 

"Normally it is."

She turned around and peeked in his green yes. "I don't need a special treatment."

"We don't have a princess aboard every day. Just give us the impression we do something good for once. You will need your privacy." He grinned. "Especially when that dwarf of yours is here."

Unintentionally her cheeks turned red, by which Eldinòr chuckled. 

"But if you don't want to sleep alone for such a long time, I don't mind to return to my own bed a little sooner."

Alysae gave him a indignant push, where after he left the room, laughing.

 

 

 


	38. The Frightening Unknown - Dwalin

Dwalin stared at the dark clouds that packed together above his head. A whimsical wind blew over the water and grasped his beard. 

"Storm is coming," he mumbled. 

He wasn't scared often, but he didn't feel comfortable on the water. He had never been on a ship and he wouldn't know what to do if he fell overboard. The depth beneath him was overwhelming and both frightened and fascinated him. He had no idea what lived beneath that dark surface and while they faced the waves, he thought about the mermaids and water nymphs he knew from several stories. Would they really exist? If that was true - would they tell stories in which dwarfs played the leading role?

His fantasies about pretty water creatures disappeared with the drops that fell on his head and dripped from his eyebrows. He cursed under his breath and frowned when an elf put a bottle in his hands. 

"Stop mocking, master dwarf," a white haired elf grinned, who had strange drawings on the right side of his face. "Nature is just part of our existence."

Dwalin wondered what else was part of their existence, for they were floating around for three days now and they hadn't done much along scrubbing the deck. 

He drank a slug of the sweet drink the elves adored and although he preferred beer, it tasted better than yesterday. 

His eyes scanned the ship, although he had studied every plank by now. After all, his current world wasn't that big. He saw Kili playing cards with some elves. The captain was around the table as well and he had pulled Alyssae on his knee, since there was no more room around the table. He wondered how Thorin would react if he would see this. Would Alyssae still mean something to him? Or had he been drunk so often that he had forgotten her?  
If the situation had been different, he might have felt anger because of his friend, but Thorin no longer bore that title and in the meanwhile he believed every man could make her happier than his "king" would.

While the rain kept coming he became so wet that he put the bottle to his lips ever more often to feel warm again, wondering how their plan would turn out. They wanted to lock up Thorin in the hold - that was the whole plan. He really had no idea what Alyssae thought she could do. If Thorin kept acting as a piece of shit around her, Dwalin would lose his patience in the blink of an eye. He would raise his fist. After all, his brother was somewhere in those dark cells, without sunlight reaching his eyes. As if he was back in that cursed wood where Bifur had died.   
  
Dwalin felt guilty for leaving his brother behind. Back in the day they had risked their lives to get Thorin out of that dark hole in Mirkwood and now he wished they had left him there to die. He would even take Thorin there himself, if that would be a way to free his brother. He didn't care if he committed treason; after all Thorin no longer was the man he had sworn an oath to. The dwarf who had led them to Erebor, surely wasn't the same bastard that had thrown Balin in the dungeons - and who would do the same with all his former friends, if he got the chance.    
  
Dwalin shrunk when the sky lighted up and a thunderclap followed. The light flashes ached his stomach, since the mast of their ship was almost an invitation to be set on fire. His eyes flashed nervously to the captain, but he rather saw the light in Alyssae's eyes than the continuous lightning in the sky. Dwalin suppressed a sigh, unintentionally wondering if Alyssae would drive a prominent man crazy again, like she had done with so many others. He knew she didn't do it on purpose, but nobody could deny that she had an almost scaring influence on men. Secretly he wondered if there would ever be a woman who would confuse him as well. In that light he found the might that a woman could have even more dreadful than the rolling thunder around them. 

 


	39. Letting Go - Thorin

Thorin descended the stairs. He did not know to where it would lead, nor where he was coming from. He heard a breathing that wasn't his own and when he looked aside, he petrified. 

It was her. Her dark brown hair waved over her pale shoulders and covered her collar-bones. Her soft green dress hid most of her body and she watched him from under her long eyelashes. 

His throat felt dry. He tried to tear his glance away from the purple gems that were her eyes, but he couldn't. 

"I miss you."

The whispering movements of her lips led away his attention from her bewitching eyes, but still he felt like a hopeless prisoner. 

She stretched her arm and took his hand in silence, moving down a step carefully. 

"Push her," a voice sounded. "Push her down."

He looked over his shoulder, but there was no one to be seen. The voice sounded familiair, although he wasn't able to identify. The voice didn't confuse Alyssae. Was it only in his head? 

Slowly he shook his head. He didn't want her to leave. He felt - something. Something more than anger and melancholy. 

"Listen to me. She will bring you back to the drawing board."

The words went by. He stared at their entwined fingers. Her hand felt warm around his. He knew his body was just as cold as his heart. Nobody had ever been able to warm that. Except her. 

"Why are you here?" He pulled back his hand when he realized he followed her as a tame sheep. Suspiciously he watched her. 

"Because you want me to be here."

Her innocent face was misleading. She had spilled the blood of his worst enemy. She had spilled her  _own_ blood amidst everyone. 

Wildly he shook his head, but he stopped when her hand touched his cheek. Breathless he stared at her, he could collapse at any moment. 

"This is your dream, Thorin. I'm here because you want me to."

Thorin wanted to push her away. He wished he had listened to the voice for he didn't want to surrender to all the feelings she called up. His breathing quickened and he clenched his fists, but Alyssae grabbed his hand and spread his fingers. 

"Let go of your anger." 

Her touch felt like a blow in his stomach. Spontaneous tears welled up in his eyes. Even in his dreaming world she hadn't changed. She still told him what to do and he didn't want to listen. He knew the tears wouldn't stop as soon as they left his eyes. 

"No," he grumbled. "It's not the anger I have to let go." He seized her wrists and pushed her forward. "It's you."

He let go of her and watched her falling down. She didn't scream. Her beautiful hair was floating around her head, until she disappeared from sight. Thorin stared down, but it was too late. A tear ran down his cheek. 

* * *

Thorin cursed when he found out his pillow was wet. Had he really cried in his sleep? He sat upright and touched for the bottle next to his bed, that was not sealed. He put it on his lips and took some gulps, but it did not change the empty feeling. Frustrated he raked a hand through his hair. 

Things had gone well for a really long time. He barely thought about her and nobody reminded him of her, but in the darkest hours of the night, when he had to surrender to his own mind, she returned. 

With his back he leaned against the cold wall. He could see her face so clearly it made him feel sick. He considered to summon Aymara to expel his thoughts, but he didn't want anybody to see him this way, with traces of tears on his cheeks. Furthermore Aymara wasn't really helping. She was pretty, but not as splendid as Alys...

He squeezed his eyes. As that damned elf. He cursed his own weakness. One stupid dream and he lost his mind. He wanted to break down something, but there had already been so much repairs in his rooms that he feared they would consider him as a maniac when he demolished something else. Although they probably already did. He brought his hand to his mouth and bit on his knuckles when the memories tried to overwhelm him. This time he saw a cocoon, in which they sat so close he could feel her breath touching his skin. They were arguing, as usual. He blamed her that they would be eaten by a spider and she reminded him that he had hold her himself. He hadn't been willing to let her go. 

He kicked the stone wall next to him and the pain flashed from his toe to his knee. Cursing he squeezed his eyes, but he reached his goal. The pain chased away the memory of her and he stood up and stumbling he went looking for a new bottle that would make sure it would stay that way during the rest of the night. 

 


End file.
